Embrace the Moment

Prologue

PROLOGUE

 Travel back in time...

THE FUNERAL

I was still in complete shock. Completely numb. Completely shattered. My dad was dead. He had been there a few days ago, arguing with my mom as usual, but alive. I just didn’t understand—and Josh—God, Josh. My dad had killed his mom. He’d run her off the road driving drunk, and he’d fucking killed her. How was Josh handling it? Jesus Christ that was such a stupid thought, but it was all I could think about. How was he? Of course he was crushed. I thought for sure that he must hate me. What the hell was wrong with me? I was sitting at my dad’s funeral listening to hymns that I hadn’t heard since I was a young child, and my thoughts were on how the accident affected Josh and me. I was so selfish.

I glanced over at Josh sitting with his dad and his sister, Joey. He didn’t look at me. He hadn’t looked in my direction all day. He definitely hadn’t looked at me the day before when we’d gathered together to say goodbye to his mom. A funeral, everyone mourning and grieving, then watching as the earth swallowed her casket under the dirt.

I will never forgive my dad.

My eyes were still glued to, Josh. He looked so vulnerable, so broken. I wanted to hug him, to hold his hand. I’d have loved to go back to a few days before and have none of it happen. We’d been so happy before, so close to becoming more than what we had been.

It was hard to believe that just the Wednesday before, Josh and I had been walking home together when he’d complimented me. It was a small something. I didn’t do well with compliments, and any time Josh tried to step over the line with me I would get cold feet, but everything that day was just the perfect pieces of sweet, and I’d felt completely comfortable when Josh had told me that I looked really pretty with my hair straight. My mom had bought a new flat iron, and I’d tried something new, removing my wavy tendrils for a day.

 “Thanks, Josh,” I shrugged sheepishly as a shy blush warmed my cheeks. He’d grinned, tucked a free strand behind my ear, and kissed my forehead just like always. We walked home with his fingers interlaced with mine. I’d smiled a lot that day. I’d been building the courage to tell him that I liked him—a lot.

But now all that had changed.

He couldn’t even look at me anymore. He was pulling away, putting distance between us—it hurt.

My heart didn’t feel sad like it should have as we said goodbye to my dad. It felt cold, hard and angry—not with Josh. I was angry with my parents—at my dad. They corrupted everyone around them, damaged everything in their path. It apparently wasn’t bad enough that my dad had been having an affair, and he and my mother had spent years hating each other because of it. Did they need to ruin a perfectly happy home, a perfectly happy marriage too? They’d shattered a family that had been completely intact. I hated them.

My eyes were still on Josh as my mom quietly cried next to me. Tatum sat stoically still. She hadn’t cried yet. Neither had I. I wondered what that meant about us.

A hand squeezed mine from my other side and I almost didn’t feel it because I was so distracted by the boy I would never be able to have. I turned my eyes to find a concerned Dean. Internally, I recoiled at his nearness. He had been trying for weeks to get my attention, to convince me to go on a date with him, a real one. He had always been flirty with me. We’d gone to one dance together the year before, but it never went further than that. He had been trying to change that though. Of course he would use my vulnerability to get close to me now.

“Hi, you okay? Sorry that was a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay,” he said in a hushed tone at my ear as he scooted over next to me uninvited.