Zen

02.1

We've been on the run for weeks. The Council wasn't backing down.

Izaac had tried to kill me countless times. All of which he failed, obviously.

I learnt several things from Izaac. One of which was how he had gotten the necklace.

The necklace that belonged to my brother.

~

"You want to know how I got this?" Izaac demanded, holding up the necklace. "You're going to kill me anyways, might as well tell you now."

I waited, as Izaac threw me a dark, twisted smile. "I ripped it off his neck," He told me, lowering his head to that his eyes and mine were level. "He was already dead when I found him. Lifeless. I plucked this necklace right off his body, just another token he had offered me."

My breath constricted in my throat.

Zen was sitting at the edge of the bed, eyeing us. Izaac inhaled deeply, continuing, "Poor little Elijah. He promised his sister he'd get her out, didn't he? Well, he never did. Didn't you ever wonder, why after all those years, he never came for you?"

My hands were shaking. There was a constant pulling at my heart. "I thought him dead." I whispered, vision blurring.

Izaac cocked his head, "Well, you were right."

"How could you?" I seethed, confused by the whirlwind of emotions in my chest. "You're Light! That's all you are, all you're supposed to be! Not murderers!"

Izaac was taken aback by the fury and hurt in my voice, and he looked somewhat offended. "You think I killed him?" He asked quietly, frowning. "Osiria, I would never kill."

I slammed my hands down on the table, "Who did it?" My voice was loud, desperate. Whoever took my brother from me was already a dead man walking.

"I don't know." Izaac admitted, avoiding my eyes. It was the truth.

A strangled noise came gurgling out of my throat, and I left the two men, slamming the the door behind me.

~

I could tell that Izaac was genuinely sorry. Sure, he had all his threats of killing Zen and I, but he would never take a life willingly. He was Light, and one of the Lightest there were in the world.

After he told me everything, it would have been easy for me to just take a knife and stab him in his heart. Kill him off. He was no use to me. But I could never bring myself to kill him. I didn't know why, just that I couldn't. Zen seemed to understand my decisions. After a while, Izaac just started running with us. He wasn't against us, nor was he one of us. He was just, there.

I had gotten closer to Zen as well, over the course of the past weeks. He explained some things to me, not all. I learnt that he was originally from Britain, hence the accent. He was an orphan as well, but his biological parents gave him the name Alexander. Which he obviously changed to Zen afterwards.

A loud whirring brought me out of my thoughts. I rolled my eyes, walking to the kitchen. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I demanded, glaring at Izaac.

He was standing by a blender that was the source of all the noise, looking at it doing its job in fascination. "It's blending." He told me matter-of-factly.

I gritted my teeth, suppressing the urge to strangle this man. "Switch that thing off right now, or I'll break it into a thousand million pieces." I threatened.

Izaac scoffed, but switched it off nonetheless.

I went back to the couch.

A few moments later, Izaac walked past me, holding a cup of juice. He drank loudly on purpose, irritating me. I shot daggers at him. He disappeared into his room.

I switched the television off, and went into the other room. Zen was lying on the bed, his shirt nowhere to be found. I crawled under the sheets to lie with him. His features were unreadable.

Finally, he spoke. "What happened at your hometown?" He asked.

I stiffened. I wasn't expecting this.

"Osiria." He muttered, gently but firmly.

I sat up, giving him a look. "It's none of your business." I replied coldly.

Zen pushed himself up into a sitting position and gazed at me. He didn't look upset, or curious. That was the thing. Most of the time, I couldn't even read what he was feeling. He sat there, looking at me, while I debated on whether or not I should tell him. It was a secret of mine that I've lugged around for so long, and it was the secret that separated me from the world, eventually allowing the Dark to claim me.

"I was fourteen," I started. "Back then, my hometown was happy. Filled with people, liveliness, warmth. I was, uh, happy too."

My voice was uncertain. I never knew what it was like to open my heart to someone. It felt weak. But I continued. Zen deserved to know this, after everything he had told me about himself.

"I mean, I was always doomed from the start. I was born in Darkness, raised with Darkness in my roots and veins. I was sure to be Dark. Everyone knew. But you see," I frowned, choosing my words. "That's the thing about the stories, the myths, the legends. It's always, 'The Dark are bad people, cruel people, sad people. The Light are happy, joyous.' What they never mentioned, was that the Dark could be happy too. I was. Happy. For my childhood, sure. I surrounded myself with Light people. They were always so happy, so, I don't know, Light? I guess I was happy with them as well. The vibes they gave off, the positivity, the feelings, everything about them was so addictive." I paused, my mind clouded.

Memories were dangerous things. They haunt you.

"Then they arrived. The Council. They were seeking a child. A Dark child. There was only one Darkness living in that town, no matter a child or not. So I ran. I fought. And I killed." I glanced up to see Zen watching me intensely. "I started off small. The soldiers first. All their men. By then, I could already feel the Darkness in me, just waiting to be released. I killed their leader. The entire Council that came for me was dead. Then I killed everyone in my town." My voice was void of emotions.

I shrugged. This is me. This is who I am. I'm not ashamed of that.

Zen was silent. He was still looking at me, his eyes dancing with emotions.

I scoffed, "You'd think that with all the killing I've done, that I would be able to do something as easy as killing Izaac."

Zen shook his head, "You didn't want to kill him. I respected your decision."

I swallowed. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't have brought myself to do it." Then I narrowed my eyes. "You know something, don't you?" I questioned, pointing a finger at Zen. "I mean, you know a lot of things and refuse to tell me, but you know something about this. Why can't I kill him? I'm not turning Light, am I?" That thought alone made me shiver.

Zen smiled, "No."

"Oh, thank God. That's revolting to even think about." I fretted.

Zen chuckled.

"So what is it?" I pressed, curious to know.

Zen shrugged, "I don't know." He was lying. I knew it. But I just gave him an unconvinced look, watching as he lay back onto the bed. There was silence for a while.

"I'm sorry," He suddenly spoke up, his voice filling the eerily quiet room. "I'm sorry that you're not happy."

His words struck something in me.

For the first time in years, I felt something. Raw emotion. It was clawing at my chest.

"Don't be," I told him, straining a smile. "I had forgotten what it was like to be happy, anyways."

Zen took a last glance at me, then turned to his side and fell asleep. I let out a small breath. You can't miss something you've forgotten about.

It was loneliness. The emotion in me. I was always lonely, but I was only ever lonely alone. Raw loneliness, even around others.

It ached.