UNSPOKEN

Pretentious Me

I told myself I've moved on. I put myself to silent everytime they talked unlikely about him just so they won't say that I am on his side when in fact all I want to do is defend him. I keep telling my friends I'm okay. I always display happiness whenever I am ask about him when in reality it's just me pretending and making even myself believe that I am already over him, that I am already happy without him, that I have already accepted the fact that I can never have him. It's really hard to pretend. It's hard to accept that after all these years I am still here stuck, I am still here in love with him. I am still in love with my bestfriend after he left me hanging without saying anything. It's hard to sleep and not to cry in the middle of the night, I tried too hard not to think about him every single time, I tried to let this feelings go, I tried to forget him for he was the first to forget me, I tried to be happy for him knowing that he likes someone else, but I failed, I failed in making myself believe that someday I will be able to get over with this affection I have for him. Seeing him happy and in love with someone else breaks my heart into pieces, not that it is not yet broken. I wanted to find the girl and see myself if she's really worth it, if leaving him to her is possible, if she will not hurt him, or if she can and will love him more than I do. But as what I have heard the girl is already in a relationship with someone else. Now how can I be happy for him? How can I let him go knowing he's hurting? To you girl, I've been loving him for years, he has everything a girl could ever wish, he's smart, he's loving, he's loyal, and he's MY EVERYTHING! Why can't you see all those good things I've seen? Girl, you are lucky, very much lucky that it is you he likes. I wish I was you, I wish it is me he's into, I wish I have something you have: HIM. Why can't it be me? Why can't he see me? I was there during his happy days, I was there when he was sad, I was there when he needed someone, it was all me. Not you! Not you!!! Where you there during his ups and downs? Where you there when he needs someone to be with? Please don't like him, please don't be friendly to him, please don't be with him, and please don't fall in love with him. If you want me to beg then I will, just please don't take him away from me. You're too lucky, you have your boyfriend with you and yet you have him waiting too.