Chasing Dauntless (A Divergent OC Fanfic in Dauntless)

Chapter Thirteen

I opened my eyes and was met with the orange glow of the testing room. My chin was trembling and my heart was pounding, but my face was dry. I saw Chase get up through the corner of my eye, but I turned away. Even though I knew it wasn't the real Chase saying those things and...betraying me, I still couldn't stand to look at him. "Jess." Suddenly, Chase was right in front of me. He was trying to catch my gaze. "No," I murmured, trying to hold back tears. "We need to talk, but not here." I shook my head. "Jess...I know that was hard on you, but it was hard on me too. I looked away at the end." My chin trembled more. "Why didn't you do anything?" "I wanted to, Jess. It killed me not to. But that's not how the landscapes work." I gulped, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. "Come on, Jess. Let's go."

I shook my head firmly.

"Do you really want your friends to see you like this?" Chase asked. I didn't reply. I didn't want them to see me like this. "You think it'll be better for you to be in a big, open room with boys and girls around and no privacy?" he added. I finally gave my head a tiny shake. "Where?" I asked quietly. I could see Chase's shoulders rise, then fall. "Not sure. We can go to my apartment for now." The last thing I wanted was to go to Chase's apartment with him, but it was my best option. I clenched my jaw, then gave the tiniest nod. I felt Chase's hands slide onto my arm. I tried not to shake him off. He helped me from the chair. Chase placed his palm lightly on the small of my back. He opened the door and held it open with one foot while he stretched over and turned off the lights with the hand not on my back.

Chase and I walked to his apartment, him leading me, slowly though because I still wasn't sure on my feet.

We still weren't there, but I heard Chase lightly clear his throat. "How?" he quietly said. "You're going to have to be more specific," I muttered. "Two fears. Or was it just cut short?" he asked. I shook my head. "Two fears." "Jess, that's ridiculous. Most people have, like, at least ten bad ones." I still didn't look at him. "I'm not most people. How many do you have?" I asked. "Three. I'm not most people either."

I found myself only feeling worse and worse after Chase and my brief conversation. I still had the terrible feeling that had come from everything in the second part of my fear landscape. Most of me knew that it hadn't been Chase really saying those things. But a tiny part of me felt like it was: it was Chase's body, his mouth, his voice, his face. His words were branded on the front of my mind: I couldn't distract myself for more than a second.

I glanced up and recognized Chase's door.

Chase led me into his apartment and closed the door behind us.

The lamps were on and it was dark outside, creating a comforting orange glow. Chase gently took me over to the couch. He sat me down, and I stayed on the edge, my hands balled together, my eyebrows furrowed, my gaze on the ground in front of me. Through the corner of my eyes, I saw Chase kneel down in front of the fireplace on the thick black rug. He flicked a switch and a fire instantly roared to life. Everything about it looked real. I saw Chase look at me, worried. "Do you, uh, want a glass of water or something?" he asked gently, carefully. I shook my head. I knew I should thank him, but didn't.

Chase watched me a moment more, then got up and headed to the kitchen. I heard the sink running, but not any cabinets opening. I realized he was probably drinking directly from the sink, like I had when I was younger. I felt flowy and nostalgic for a moment, but thinking about my childhood reminded me of my sister, which brought me to that dream, and then my fear.

I pursed my lips, shoving away the memory.

Chase came over and sat on the other end of the couch. Several seconds passed.

"Do you want to, like, talk about it?" Chase asked. I shook my head again. "You sure?" he asked.

I let out a big breath through my nose.