Shallow

1. Realizing it's time for change

"Hey Mc'Fat! Catch!" I turned around just in time to get a football in my face. I winced and rubbed my forehead that throbbed in pain. I sighed and looked ahead at the thrower, AKA the ring leader of my tormenters; Casper Bennington. I wasn't even going to waste anymore time standing there before something else gets thrown at me.

"Hey wait up Mc'Fat!" Casper started to walk towards me while I sped up my pace. The last thing I need is him bothering me, I have enough on my plate already.

"I said Wait up!" This time he said it more harsh and forcefully. I sighed once again and turned my head around, still walking. I wasn't about to stop walking. Nothing good would come out of that. Seeing that I wasn't going to stop, Casper jogged up and hit me in the back of the head. Hard.

"Didn't you hear when I said 'wait up' fatty?" He glared down at me with his arms crossed. I sighed and looked at the ground. What the hell does this bastard want?

"I need you to do my homework." It sounded more of a command than request. Why can't I just be left alone? I felt unexpectedly frustrated tears cloud my eyes. I've always been so strong and never showing my tears, but today all of a sudden? Ah yes, my mothers death must have something to do with this. If I wasn't strong enough, my rage and frustration, the years of unfairness and bulling would bubble to the surface right now. Moms death could've been my trigger to me snapping.

"You'll be doing Ms. Anne's homework and Mrs. Sanchez's." Casper pulled out his homework and shoved them in my face, completely ignoring my tears. But then again, why would he care? I'm just some ugly fat lump. And that's all I'll ever be at this school it seems.

Why does it hurt so much? I've been immune to this for so long, and now that my moms gone, I have no one to turn to. Well except my dad, but he's barely ever home. He's not even going to make it for mom's funeral. Mom has always been my support, my rock when I needed her. Now that she's gone, my entire world is falling apart. She was my first friend.

~X~X~X~

"You're still crying fatty? Just don't get any of your greasy tears on my homework." I looked behind me to see Casper, his girlfriend Lilynette and his goonies. I sighed. This could only mean trouble.

Lilynette giggled and latched onto Casper's arm like a snake on its prey. I wanted to roll my eyes but refrained from doings so; that would cause me a world of hurt.

"What the hell do you guys want?" My only friend at this school, Joshua glared at the group. I snapped my head towards him, my eyes wide. They're going to eat him alive, and plus he's a new student! It was nice knowing him anyways.

"And who the hell are you?" Casper glared at him, I winced and chewed my nails. Bad habits.

"None of your business. Now can you let us eat our lunch?" Joshua rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, waiting for the answer that never came.

"What the hell? It's eating lunch!" Lilynette pointed at my tray of food with her long painted finger nails. It's a shame how someone could be so pretty and perfect from head to toe and be so ugly at the same time.

Casper noticed the food placed in front of me and reached to grab it. This wouldn't be the first time he's taken my lunch. I wasn't hungry anyways so he could have it. Not like he'd have to ask anyways.

When I thought he'd just take the food and leave, he did the exact opposite; shoving it in my face to be exact. I sighed as spaghetti and meatballs slid on the floor.

"What the hell did you do that for!?" At the time Joshua was standing rather angrily. I shot him a warning look, but he completely ignored me and just got more angry. It's stupid of him to get so worked up over nothing. These guys do whatever they want when they want to. He's just making it bad for himself.

"Because I felt like it." Was all Casper said before he and his gang stalked out of the cafeteria to who knows where. They're mostly likely ditching or something.

"How can you let them treat you like that!?" Joshua was completely bewildered while I just stared at him, bored. He'll understand and come to terms with it soon enough, and when he does, that's the last I'll see of the guy.

~X~X~X~

The day came to an end, which I was happy for but also kind of sad. Instead of going home to mom and hanging with her, I'll be going home to an empty, cold house with everything to remind me of her.

I wasn't going to take the bus today, I'll just walk. Yeah yeah surprising coming from a fat person right? I just need to clear my head, and when I do I'll think of the scary future without mom.

In just a half hour, I approached the white door of my house. I unlocked it with the keys around my neck.

Unsurprisingly, dad wasn't home. I trudged up the carpet covered stairs and into my room. I don't know how, but the air feels different without mom. It feels dry and colder. Usually when she's home, it smells like cookies and the atmosphere is filled with warmth and happiness. Now I just feel scared and alone. I've felt loneliness, but only at school. But now that it's in my home and my world, and to make it worse, it's combined with scared. I don't know how to cope with this; I don't want to; so I won't. Why should I anyways? Tears made its way down my fat pudgy face.

I have to cope with it; for mom at least. She wouldn't want me to give up. She would want me to get stronger and deal with my problems head on! I'll do it for her, but most importantly for myself; for my health.

This summer calls for change and development. I'm tired of being stepped on and being pushed out of the way of my own happiness. I'm going to stand up for myself, but that could wait. I lied on my bed and cried to my hearts content. There's no one to call me weak, and there's no one to judge me.