shit post

fuckuradlibs

  saying that i have changed is an understatement.

looking back at the old shit i used to write made me appreciate how far i have come tremendously.

i went from an absolutely pathetic, sad little girl in love who didn't know her worth. to an educated asshole, who knows how to handle herself. yes, HERself. no more they them, no more liking females. that was a phase i went through, i'm glad i did though.

'bout love, i'm not in it anymore. although it is boring, i feel very happy. he doesn't feel the same anymore, neither do i. at least until he tries with me again and then changes his mind. that is very annoying. another annoying thing i deal with is my bipolar disorder. one moment, i swear i can conquer ANYTHING that comes at me. and then there are moments like this, where i feel messy. confused, about absolutely nothing. girls who date for no reason is annoying as well. when i date i make sure it will last, that it will have a purpose. it is aggravating when you have a crush on every single guy who you THINK is interested in you. they probably aren't. you aren't that cute baby girl. stop saying the same thing about every guy you are involved with, " i feel so different about him ". be quiet and just put his dick in your mouth already (-: stop being a slut. breaking up with someone and IMMEDIATELY hopping to someone else.

i have been doing drugs and drinking more than i ought to lately. i was shit-faced at school, high off lean and drunk off vodka. it was exhilarating. i don't care anymore.

high school is the time for teens to act out anyways, right ? i just want a boy with a nice dick and longish wavy hair to get fucked up with me, and love me. is that too much to ask for ? probably.

i'm tired of caring and being there for people, they don't appreciate it. i am such a good person if i love you, i will put you before me. i'd build a rocket ship and fly us to saturn if you asked me to. silly boys and girls don't know what they got until they lose it.

i'm tired of trying. i think i am going to take some of my brothers adhd pills and get fucked up, probably end up fighting this lil bitch in my english n bio class. mannnn fuck her. don't go talkin shit if u don't got the hands to back it up. pussy bitch.

i'm not a little emo piece of shit anymore. although i do appreciate the music i used to listen to ( it made me feel like something, or someone could relate to me when i was depressed. i didn't feel alone ). i listen to rap now. kendrick lamar, he talks about growing up with struggle, and feeling fucked up. bryson tiller, he is more of a singer, he talks about love. nothing more to be said about that. j. cole, he raps about numerous things, being a father, growing up in the ghetto, how he is the god. ( if there was a god,
which there isnt lmao fuckkk ya'll pussy ass bitches, he would be it ). xxxtentacion, he is my lul baby. his songs bump hella hard, and for everyone who says he just yells nonsense in his songs, go listen to his recent album 17. i'll wait(-: . ski mask the slump god, his voice is so unique and once again, the beat to his songs are gold. wattterrrrrrr . wifisfuneral, not only is he a gorgeous human being, his songs have so much meaning and depth to them. bass goes hard too 😛 . lil pump n lil purpp, they my "lets get turnt" go to's. their songs are bangers. chance the rapper, my cutie from chicago, he raps about  cleaning up the streets, turn on his songs and his voice and instrumentals will make you so happy, instantly. miguel, i fucking nutttttt to his voice no joke. his songs are so beautiful. pure as shit, he talks about love and drugs and fucking. he is a beautiful man in general (-: .i listen to numerous other songs, n artists, briefly. drake, 21 savage, ugly god, lil uzi vert, future, tyler the creator, famous dex, trippie red etc. 90's r&b soul music as well.

i have recently entered my ninth year of school. im a lil freshman. everyone mistakes me as a junior, though. i don't look fourteen, see.

letttt me tell you. there are four grades to choose from ladies, wayyy more attractive guys in high school whewwww. 🤤

this lil drug thingy is prolly j a phase, i'll laugh about it later. but for now i am actually dead inside (-: and i love me some cute white boys with long hair(((((-:. that is attractive as shit 🤧

when it comes to self confidence, i love myself and my appearance. of course i get insecure occasionally, but i love my figure. double d's. a sortaaa flat stomach and a sortaaaa tiny waist. with big wide hips, thick thighs and a big butt. i am working on losing at most twenty pounds, however. when i recover from my concussion. ( i play soccer, a girl kicked me in the head, with her foot. i am the goalie so i was on the ground diving. k cool ) . i think i will be cleared in a week or two. i am tired of sitting out of p.e, not being able to exercise or play soccer, and only having my phone for like .2 seconds a day. wish me luck. i appreciate my face and hair a lot. my eyebrows are thickish and some what symmetrical. my eyes are an eh shade of brown, they shine in the cold. my eyelashes are long. my nose is adorable, sticks up just far enough. my cheeks are chubby, and my lips are a decent plumpness. i have a very unique chin, it runs in us hispanics frequently. it sticks out very far but thats ok, it compliments my naturally contoured cheekbones. if  could change some things about my body it would be to decrease the amount of fat on my neck, arms, stomach and back. acne has its bad and good days, but i try to take care of it as well as possible. my hair is very thick, it falls just past my shoulders, growing out from the pixie cut i used to have. it is a rich shade of brown with natural highlights. i love it because all i have to do is swim, or take a shower or put it in a bun and it will get naturally curly. it is a  hassle tho, i cannot brush it or i will have an afro. enough of being a cocky bitch.

i love my mom.

i also love alcohol.

if you wanna kill urself, don't. people care about you, believe it or not. and it would be fucking SELFISH of you to take your life away from them. this is coming from my harsh self because i have tried more than once and the look on my family members faces was traumatizing.

idk what else to say, it is 1:56 am.

floating on a cloud by wifisfuneral is playing.

i think im gonna take out my contacts and fantasize about relationships that won't happen. roll in peace baby dolls.

🍯🌹