The burning feeling in my stomach escalated as I walked into the large room, its size putting me into a daze. I felt eyes on me as I walked up the stairs, careful to not make eye contact with anyone. I made sure I didn't mess anything up as I placed myself in a seat. The tingles in my stomach made me uncomfortable as I shifted in my seat.
This burning feeling hadn't gone away for months. It was my first day of college at a university in London. The fact that I made it in with a full scholarship was quite surprising to me. I felt like I had proved something to my parents.
I attempted to ignore how my breath weakened when the thought of my parents came into my mind. At the age of sixteen, they had disowned me; I was placed into foster care for two remaining years where I fell into a cycle of school and self hatred.
The pangs of pain I felt each and every night, the tears I sobbed into my pillow, the scars on my thighs.
When I received a scholarship to attend this college, I was more than stunned before realizing that my duration in foster care obviously played a part in the act of sympathy.
The scholarship gave me a weird feeling that maybe, I could make it. But as of right now, I didn't know what to do anymore.
I found myself staring off into space, until I finally looked to my right and realized there was someone sitting next to me. I quickly grabbed my backpack and got up, mumbling sorry to him because I obviously sat next to someone without realizing it, when there were dozens of empty seats around.
"Oh no, you're fine," he smiled. "No, no, there's empty seats up there," I said, looking up. With my luck, nearly all the seats were taken by people who just came in. He looked up too, smiling, and said, "or nah." I couldn't help but laugh as I placed my bag down and sat down again.
It was weird to laugh. I hadn't laughed for a while.
