a letter to you (a mcdean fanfic)

Chapter 8

-okay so this chapter has a bit of lashton in(5 seconds of summer)-

I spent the whole night contemplating whether I should ask Luke about ward two or not. Did I really want to know the truth about c? I'm starting to think it will be better if I don't find out but I know I have to find out someday so why not now. Finally I picked up the courage and made my way once again into the common room.

I flung myself down in my tartan arm chair, relived that no one was sitting in it today so I could avoid that awkward conversation. Luke was no where to be seen. Where was that boy? In a way I was happy I couldn't locate him, after all I want to put off asking him about ward two for as long as I can.  The room was quieter than usual and decided to take advantage and allow myself to get lost in thought. 

I awoke abruptly to the sound of chatter and the odd screams. I must of fallen asleep. This was the first time i've ever been able to fall asleep in the common room and I guess that meant I was getting used to this hell hole, accepting it as my home now. Judging by the amount of people that was now in here I assumed a was asleep for quite a long time. The sound of laughter interrupted my thoughts, I recognized that laugh from my conversation with Luke yesterday.  I looked up to see where he was, he was talking to someone, I had seen him around before, I think his name was Ashton? or Ashley maybe i'm not too sure. 

He looked happy so I really didn't want to interrupt him, which was a relief. Luke was still laughing and Ashton had a confused expression on his face, like what he said wasn't that funny but Luke found it hilarious anyway. Luke placed a hand on Ashton's shoulder and whispered something in his ear which made Ashton crack the biggest smile which Luke returned with an even bigger smile. Could this really be what I thought it was? I felt rude staring but looking at how happy they was just made me happy. I continued to look at them as Luke pulled Ashton closer to him and planted a single kiss on his lips. Yep it was what i thought it was. I was still looking as Ashton's eyes caught mine and I quickly looked to the ground. I didn't want him to think that I was judging them, I knew that feeling too well. 

Ashton leaned closer to Luke and pulled him in for a hug. The expression on his face honestly looked like he was holding his whole world in his hands. The way they looked at each other reminded me of me and him, him being Craig. Looking at them made me realize just how much I actually missed Craig. A million memories of how we used to be hit me at once. How could could he be so selfish to just just throw away everything we had like that just go he could go out and party? Quickly I brushed the thoughts of him out of me mind and glanced at Ashton and Luke again.

 "I'll see you later Ash yeah? byee" Luke said, winking at Ashton as he walked away.Their hands brushed together as they walked away from each other and I noticed that Luke was coming towards me, still smiling. 

 "Oh hey John Paul! look who's finally awake" Luke exclaimed. He seemed to be completely over his awkwardness with me now, which was nice.

"Hey! how long was i asleep for?" I said rubbing my eyes, making it look like I'd just woken up and wasn't looking at them.

"I don't really know, i've not long been in here but judging by how tired you still look, I'd say an hour at the least" he wasn't stuttering like he was yesterday, I guess he felt comfortable with me now.

" I guess I was just tired. so you and Ashton seem quite close." I said, changing the subject so the conversation didn't revolve around me sleeping.

"haha yeah I guess we are. He's my boyfriend. Yep judge me all you like i really couldn't care" Luke said as he played with the hem of his shirt.

I really envied how open he was about it. i'm terrified of people finding out about me being gay in here and then there's Luke and Ashton who really don't give a shit who knows. No one in here seemed to care when they kissed and it gave me hope. Hope that maybe I could tell C about it and he would still want to be my friend. I mean just because people in this ward don't care doesn't mean that he's not going to judge me. Maybe i should open up to Luke about it.