In Too Deep

One

             It ain't easy trying to balance out multiple things at once, especially when you're doing it alone.

       "Marley, where exactly do you see yourself in the next few years?"

       "Probably locked up or dead" I responded with all honesty, My counselor looked taken back by my answer but what did she expect me to say? She's the only person who knows me. The real me.

     My teachers made me start talking to a counselor cause my grades aren't up to par. I'm not stupid, school just isn't something that I'm interested in. I answer a few questions here and there but that's about it.

      I can't say that I don't enjoy talking to Lauren but sometimes I just don't be in the mood. I feel like talking things out isn't going to change anything so what's the point?

      Clearing her throat Lauren went on to the next question "And why is that?"

     I looked into her big brown eyes but didn't say a word. We both know good and well why I answered the way I did. "C'mon Marley you have to give me something, why are you even doing this to yourself? Don't you wan to get into a good school like Yale?"

     "What's the point?"

"So you can be something in life, don't you want to get a real good job? Own a house and start a family?"

Of course I did maybe not the whole family thing but I did want my own place. I don't need a real good job in order for me to do it though. I make plenty of money from selling drugs, in my older brothers honor of course.

"I don't need to go to college for that" I answered

Lauren sighed pinching the bridge of her nose "Marley, you're a good kid and I really don't want you to fall into this gang life, you and I both know that this isn't you so why are you even doing this to yourself? "

I didn't even answer. I didn't want to. I didn't want to think about my brother, at least not while I was at school. The pain would be too much to handle.

"You already know the answer to that Lauren." I stated

"But do you think this is what your brother really wanted?" She looked at me with almost pleading eyes wanting me to change my mind, but I wasn't going to.

The bell rung indicating that my lunch period was over and I was finally time for my last class, which is history. I stood up from the seat while grabbing my backpack swinging it over my shoulder. Lauren looked disappointed that we didn't get very far today, but what can I say? Some things I need to just keep to myself.

"I'll see you tomorrow Marley and please make sure you're on time"

"Yeah, I'll do that"

I wasn't even planning on coming to school. I had other things that I needed to attend to, things that she didn't need to know about.

I walked out of the office and in the direction of my last class, all eyes were on me as if no one has ever seen me before. Couldn't wait to get this last class over with because I was tired of everyone staring at me. Didn't let it bother me though.

Entering Mr. Smiths class I took a seat in the back as I always did so no one would notice me. Students were already in the class talking louder than ever. A few of the guys were making a beat on the desks. Which, in my opinion was wack.

I decided to take out my notebook and finish some of the sketches that I've been working on. Drawing is something that I've been into since I was younger from cartoon characters to anime characters and even real people like myself for instance. I've been working on a self portrait for a few weeks now, trying to get every detail of myself just right.

Once I start drawing it's like I get lost in my own world, everyone around me just vanishes something I enjoy.

"Mr Sullivan!" I looked up from my sketch only to be met with Mr. Smiths face glaring at me and once again all eyes were on me

"Yeah?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Can you please pay attention and put whatever it is you are doing away."

Doing as told I closed my notebook and began to pay attention. I hadn't even noticed he had walked in.

"Answer this question for me Marley."

He had this smirk on his face. I knew what he was doing, trying to make me look stupid in front of the class just because I wasn't paying attention. He's one of them new teachers so I guess he thinks I'm one of them students who don't give a damn about school at all, who only come just because"

"Shoot. "

"What problems in American life at the turn of the 20th Century did the Progessives seek to reform?"

"the economic, political, and cultural questions that had arisen in the context of the rapid changes brought with the Industrial Revolution and the growth of modern capitalism in America." I answered effortlessly . His face dropped but he quickly picked it back up before anyone noticed

"Correct.."

I smirked to myself and went back to my drawing not wanting to be bothered anymore.

     Pathetic.