Telsea Daily

part five

 Im sorry but if you ever seriousy hit me other than playing around, I'll leave. Im not one to accept shit like that. Seriously, and if you ever call me a btich, I'll leave too. Because to me, they are the same thing. Right now i am so unbelieveably lonely. I feel so apart from everyone else. Is there inapropriate stuff at the race thing? just wondering.. I dont know why im still here. I wish most days that I wouldnt wake up but i do and when i do it sucks. I just literally cried myself awake. so now im crying myself to sleep and to get up too. I dont know how much longer i can go through this. i wannna give up 9 out of ten days. The only time i come close to not giving up is when me and you are together. When we live together it'll be so different that im afriad seeing a different view of the world will make you wat to also see other people. you kow the sayig theres plenty of fish in the sea well I dont care because of you but i feel like youll be around all these other women and since you havent been with a lot of girls you'll want to. yes, it makes no sense but believe it or not a lot of guys do that. They date a chick until another comes along. Im afriag i wont be enough. I also feel like it's not gonna always be fun anymore bc of cooking, cleaning, working, and bills and so youre gonna want to fool around with some chick somewhere else bc sometimes im gonna have to be doing something other than 100 pecent focused to you. i want to be able to spend 100 percent to you but if we are trying, and also if im gonna want to go to some kind of school...of work somewhere or maybe cleaning or something then i cant always. Also I'd like to try to a lot together like grocery shop, shop for other stuff, and cook togetherr sometime. I hope you'd wouldnt cheat just because we'd be married already so it'd be harder to split up because that'd be a shitty reason. I dont think youd do that but again, guys actually have done this & im sorry but this is another thing i would not let go. I'd leave. It's unfair for me to put love, time, and comitment into our relationship and for you to fool with someone who hasnt put anything into...well anything, they just are sluts. Im just confused sometimes. I want to sleep forever most months. I dont understand how human life hasnt died off faster than they reproduce bc if everyone thought like me i bet two things...1 no one cheat. 2 people would be in long lasting relationships...although those r good 3 theyd all shoot themselves in the head due to the sadness despite the love they had for their significant love. When you respong to this please reply to everything possible i understand this will take time but im awake and waiting so thats fine. honestly chris I wish I could literally (verbally) pour my heart out to you. See, I want more than anything, more than money, more than a family, more than a career, more than graduating, more than anythinggg, for us to be happily together forever. with no cheating, lieing, back stabbing, hurting, ect. I dont want us to get into a habbit of having a rocky relationship bc then it will only be a matter of time. we have to keep reminding ourselves...love is all that matter so we shouldnt do the above metioned things. We need to be honest, trust, and love eachother. & always remember that because if one of does that... i dont know. A lot of people also grow apart. As they get older they may grow tired or the other person or they both start to get unhappy. I'll let you know now. I AM HAPPY WITH YOU. I would never ever ever ever want someone else. Ive told you many times i perfer you over anyone and that still holds true to this day and i believe itd always be true i hope i love you enough to not want love from someone else and I hope you dont get tired of me because I feel our love and i really think we could last it just scares me  because of all the hundreds or thousands of relationships that dont work out. I want to be one of the luvky people that get to a 50 year anniversary haha. Is that wierd? & yes, I am still very upset about the trying thing. very much so. But...after thinking about it (something everycouple fails to do) I understand about your grandpa. Yeahit really sucks that for the whole month after that i'll have to wait and every moment will feel like hours because I want that so badly bt I couldnt ask you not to go.I'm not gonna lie, at first i really wanted you to say you'd stay for me...that i was enough because it makes me feel like thats m o r e important but its whatever. I dont want to break up over it. I miss you every moment and I dont want to miss you forever. I'm sorry I was being mean to you but literally, I want to try so bad not to mention I already bought test and they expire in june sooo it'll be a waste of money if not used next month but whatever. they were kinda expensive like you said i could get but that was anothr reason.....Im just getting real sad all the sudden. Ok see yah... I love you soulmate please respond too everything i said.