Dear father,
Well I guess since I'm a disgrace you can talk
as if all the words you said didn't hurt
for I was call them all
To lazy, stupid, to the nonsense you spit back at me
But one night I got to thinking
if I was a lazy then why am I taking care of three children That arnt even my own
if I was stupid why am straight A student
but since Im Dyslexic you have aright to talk
Since you always found a way to slap that back at me
But yet I'm the top of my class
I guess it's tradition right?
since the abuse becomes the abuser
Well look at me I'm a spitting image of you!
How of a hypocrite you are
I just wonder do you hate me because you hate you?
you bash on me why I'm not more like her?
my older sister
Ohhh my older sister KATERINA
But why do you even judge us to one another
As one of us is better then one another
She's The joy of tha family the heart to your soul you say
As if you can't see she left us behind
because you turn your back and say I guess it's Fine
When I ask you why?
Do you know how thankful you should be to have me to have a daughter like me
that doesn't smoke
doesn't drink
Doesn't party
That does not be with men that would take advantage of me
Nor go out with girls that are not kind
But since I'm safe I guess I'm not worth acknowledging right?
See for I study my religion
I study my books
I take care of my family
I come home
and I don't be-forth any emotion
Be careful
I'm not her
for I don't need a man as my sister needed one
as I never needed you
I was educated this way
By books
For they were my FAMILY!
I cried and laughed with them
I was taught not to speak from you
I was told (don't disrespect me )
Yet not once can you tell me "I love you" but to her you can ?
I was always the bigger woman in the house and you knew that
because after I went through depression through hatred
through all these stages
you never asked me if I was OKAY?
or if I needed help
Not once
because you knew I could have gone through that all by my self
You said all be fine
I'm taking care of the kids that I shouldn't
But I don't mind because I love them
But I should be the one living not my sister
See she got the easy way out
getting married to a man that gives her everthing
something she was taught from you
yet I should be more like her?
When I'm on my knees cleaning after the mess in the house you left
cleaning after the spilled food the kids made
or talking to them on how we will be okay
I'm a disgrace right?
As if you were blind and you can't see me because everything I did you backfired
because all the fuckn awards I got
all the positive phone calls home I got
weren't visible to you
i guess
But I'm 17 acting as though I was 13
how could that be ?
if my sister was 15 when she went out
she was 16 when she moved out
And she was 17 when she went down
And yet I'm a disgrace
Because I want to go out
because I want to enjoy life
because I wanna be a teenager
You say no you always say no
Well father
This letter is for you the man that is a disgrace
