Little One Shots

Dying Love

Leah 

So people say never wish your life away and I did when I was younger because I never knew what life would bring now I take it all back! The life I am living is pain and regret with every step I do. I never got to see the world with my boyfriend Taehyung. He knows what is going on and I hate that I am going to be leaving him behind to grieve by himself. I hate the thought of dying now. I will be so alone. The dark consuming me. The world slowly leaving my body. The last smell of what? Hospital or my house? The last touch is Tae's hand in mine. The last sight I want is all of Bangtan around me saying their last goodbye. The last words I want to hear is Tae saying he loves me. That he will never forget me. I told him to move on after I die but, I mean I get it is hard too hard for anyone to process. He is going to be an emotional wreck and I won't be there to help him and comfort him because death is soon. I am scared for the day I am laying down and see him for the last time until he finally passes away. I mean the world is a scary place and lots of things to remember but, what do think when you are dying? I feel so alone even when Tae holds me and tells me I am going to be okay. 

"Cancer." I whisper out to myself. "Stage 4 Brain Cancer. They can't save me anymore." I whisper out to Tae who is sleeping beside me. His eyes closed. His breathing light and soft. I touch his face with my finger to feel the skin. I won't be able to wake up to him anymore when I die. He will be alone. And sure death is scary but, I worry more about him. What will he do? Will he quit his music? I don't want him to give his dream up because of my death. 

"I never wished this upon myself." I say into the blank air. His breathe hitting my face and a tear runs down my face. "I don't want to die." I cry out again and I sit up and walk out the room. It is early in the morning no one up. My body aching every step I take. Pain rushing through my body and my legs. Making me breathing heavier. With every step tears roll down my face. I can't even walk  by myself. I make it too the kitchen and fall onto the table holding it tight as I try to catch my breathe. "Leah what are you doing! You are going to hurt yourself." I hear Jungkook come to my side. "No I am fine. I am okay." I say lying to him so he doesn't worry about me. "I don't need help I just came to get a drink of water." I say and he looks at me. "You don't have to lie to me. Sure for Tae cause he hates seeing you in pain but, don't lie to me." Jungkook says to me. I look down. He grabs some water and helps me to the couch. "I am in pain every step I take. I feel life being taken out of me. I don't want to die. I just want to travel the world with you guys when you go on tour. I want to be happy." I whimper out. "I want Tae to live happy with me. He is going to shut you guys out. Please don't let that happen. I don't want him to quit the group he has so many people that love him." I cry out. "We won't let him forget you, he won't quit and we will keep an eye on him not just for you but, for us as well." Jungkook says and I lay back feeling pain in my head. "Feeling like you are dying sucks so bad. I want out." I cry out and lean on Jungkooks shoulder. "I know you do but, sometimes life doesn't go the right way and you never know you might not die. You have to keep positive." He says trying to cheer me up. "Jungkook the doctors told me I am going to die. Stage 4 Cancer is no joke and I feel the fucking thing killing me inside me." I cry out. "I feel it take my energy I feel the fucking thing taking my breath away slowly." I cry out.

"I know and we will help you get through it's Leah. It's a big things and we promise to you and help you. Love You through the process." Jungkook says. I sigh and look at him. I see another person come out. "Goodmorning Leah." Tae says rubbing his eyes. "I'm gonna go get your pills." He says to me. I nod then more tears fall. "I'm a fucking lab rat. They don't know what will work and what won't and I hate this. I really hate this." I say and Jungkook holds my side. Tae comes back with my pills 5 later. I grab them and he grabs me some water. My tears not falling because of Tae here I don't want him to worry more. I take pills like any other day. Easier each day. Lab rat exactly me.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me and I look at him. "I'm okay." I say not wanting to worry him anymore. "I know that's lies but I'm not gonna fight it." Tae says and touches my face. "I just want to stay alive. Death is scary." I say and Tae looks at me. I close my eyes. "I want you all there." I say out of no where. "Before I die all there." I say and Jungkook nods and Tae does. "We will always be there for you." Jungkook says and squeezes my hand.

See maybe I'm not afraid of death anymore. It's just something that I have deal with.  Tae loves me and I know this. So when I leave his beautiful body behind me. I know he still will love me.

Death a five letter word thay scares many and it did when I was young because I wanted to do things but at the same time I was in a bad place before I met Tae. But now I am taking the death word out of context.

Death it's just like a flower, it dies but, the body of the flower stays there and it gives it's power to people around it. I will be supporting Bangtan up there and be their guardian. I will watch them become who they are. I have watched them grow from starting this group to when they end. I will be there by their side I mean when I pass my body will be taken to somewhere but my spirt will stay with them all forever.

I'm not scared of death anymore.