I've often heard that a person is defined by the company they keep. They were just another set of pretty words for me with no deep understanding of the meaning behind . But now when I look at myself and compare it to the person I was when I was 12 or 13 I can't help but think that those words weren't meaningless , they just didn't mean anything to me at that time because I couldn't relate to it . I can now .
Now I am this outgoing girl who takes no one's crap , who isn't afraid to voice out her opinion and who doesn't spends her day thinking about one guy or the one who worries too much if she'll get accepted in her new group of friends. In a nutshell I have learnt to save my fucks to give . They are precious after all , not everyone gets them .
I never had problem standing up for myslef or anyone who needed support , have always been the one to speak what's on my mind but the difference is that I used to be shadowed by my so called best friend. She was never a bitch , the sweetest person you'll come across , the girl who your parents just love having over , the kind who is teacher's pet and the one who would frown upon your bad behaviour. Basically I was the snarky one and she was the polite one and everybody in my group of friends always wanted to be either with her or me . It started off as friendship but soon became a competition between the two of us as to who can do better-academically , in kissing a teacher's ass and in scoring more points with our friends.
We were the girls who never used to talk to guys in our class unless it was absolutely necessary and we used to avoid as much contact with the opposite sex as we could. I had a few guy friends and if I ever went to talk to them , she always made a big deal about it which led to me cutting off my ties with a few of the nicest guys in my grade . She wasn't jealous you see , she was just like that .
So this whole thing brings me back to my current problem , which is that I can't take a guy seriously if he wants to go out with me . I don't know , it just freaks me out because once the guy tries to step out of the friend zone and tries to hint at dating or anything like that I just start finding whatever he does creepy . I flirt a lot and with all of my friends so I don't normally have problem flirting but if that person shows interest in being more than a friend , then that guy is labelled as creeepy and I start avoiding them. It all roots back to my 13 year old self . It all roots back to her. I tried , I tried very hard not to give too much importance in my life but it's like all my problems , all my defects , all me apprehensions came from her.
