Stuck

"I can't" I said. I probably said it too often, but I just couldn't. "My parents aren't gonna let me". It seemed like he could never understand that I couldn't. It was hard to tell him no, but I knew my parents weren't going to let me go to the movies. My boyfriend wanted me to go, but my parents are strict and I knew how they would react. "You can't go, with who are you going? Why do you want to go?" my parents would always say. It just seemed like I could never go anywhere.

"You could just tell them you're going with your friends and I'll just meet you there. Come on at least try to ask? I wanna see you really bad." he said.

"I wanna see you too but my parents don't like me going out so much." I said.

"Well at least try and ask. You never ask, you never try. I know you don't want to see me so whatever." he said.

I felt bad and maybe he was right, I don't try and maybe I'm not putting in as much effort into this relationship.

"Ok I'll ask." I said

"Ok babe, well I gotta go to work I'll call you later".

"No, just text me ok babe?" I said.

"Umm okay. Love you." he said.

"I love you too" I said back and hung up.

I laid on my bed thinking if my parents had heard me talking on the phone with a boy. I was also thinking about everything, thinking whether I should clean the entire house and kiss my parent's ass just so they can let me go to the movies with my "friends" or just tell my boyfriend that they said no. I couldn't lie to him so I made the decision of just cleaning the entire house and trying to be on my best behavior. It was Thursday so I had two days to kiss ass.

The next day at school, I met up with my friends for lunch as usual. I've known them for years and I knew almost everything about them but it just seemed like I couldn't tell them what was going on, like they couldn't take anything seriously. They would always say "You'll be ok, It's not a big deal" or they would just try to laugh it off, but nothing could be laughed off.

As I walked to my sixth period, my boyfriend texts me asking when am I going to tell my parents about him. I freaked out, I couldn't do that! I replied, " Babe I already told you I don't know when but I will, I promise."

"Ok, but if you don't want to tell them about me it's fine. I'm not gonna force you to do something you don't want to do".

I immediately felt as if he didn't want me, like he didn't care anymore.

"No no no I will, I promise."

It wasn't a lie, I was going to, today. When I got home, I immediately went to my room and tried to think this out. How am I going to tell them? How would they react? I walked downstairs and tried to stop shaking and I made my way to the kitchen. "Hey mom" I said nicely.

" Hey" she said as she smiled.

"Can we talk please?" I said as I pulled up a chair.

"Sure, what's going on?" she asked worried as if something had happened.

"Umm... so I met this guy and I really like him" I went on. I explained to her almost everything. I didn't tell her the part that we were dating. I couldn't do that, my parents would be so mad at me. She looked at me for a while, I was scared and I was shaking. After what seemed to be forever, she replied.

"What?" she yelled. "What are you thinking? You're too young! You need to focus on school not boys! Boys are just going to hurt you" she warned me.

"But he's not like that!" I yelled back. I knew I probably shouldn't have done that but I was mad and I knew that he wasn't going to love me and I knew that he would be so mad at me and that he would hit me again. I eventually gave up and went up to my room. I stayed up there all day just laying down thinking that I wanted to take that moment back. I had upset my mom and I felt embarrassed . It was night now and I had already cried too much that I just laid there on my bed with no tears coming out. My dad came home from work and I could hear them talking about me and how I'm dumb. Maybe I am, I couldn't break up with him and I should. He wasn't treating me right and he would hit me but I couldn't because I knew that everything would be okay. We had broken up many times but he would always say that we will always bounce back. He cheated on me and I would always forgive him. I loved him, I really did so I couldn't do it. But how could I love someone like him? I thought.

The next day, everything felt weird. I hadn't done my makeup and I was wearing a sweater and sweats, something I never really do. I didn't feel like myself. All day I wasn't focusing in class and I was isolating myself. At lunch I didn't talk much. My friends asked me if I was okay and I just nodded my head yes. They just said okay and continued talking about whatever they were talking about. When I got home, the first thing I did was eat an apple and i went straight to sleep. I didn't care about my homework or my messy room. I just slept and it felt like my only escape. I woke up to a lot of buzzing. When I opened my eyes it was night, my room was dark. I check my phone and I realized I had a lot of messages from my boyfriend. As I scroll down I noticed that he was breaking up with me. I quickly call him and ask him why. He simply says

" I can't do this anymore, you're not the one. You don't even care and you have never put any effort into this relationship! We're really done this time!" he yelled.

"Wait!" I said but it was too late he had hung up. I couldn't breath, I knew I was dreaming, I knew that I would wake up and everything would be okay, but then I feel tears rolling down my face. I couldn't stop crying, there were so many tears and I just wanted to yell. My chest hurt so bad and I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't calm down. It was 3 in the morning and I was still up thinking and over thinking. I couldn't talk to anyone, I had no one to open up to, to give me advice and to comfort me.

I had only slept for about 2 hours and I didn't want to go to school, but I still did. I got up and didn't even feel like doing my makeup or like dressing nice. I didn't feel like eating so I didn't. At school, I tried to act like everything was okay. I talked and laughed, but under all that, I was depressed and lonely. When I got home, I locked myself in my room and just laid there looking up at the ceiling and listening to depressing music. I want to talk to somebody but who? No one cares, I thought. Weeks passed and I started noticing that I had lost weight due to my loss of appetite. I looked in the mirror and realized how I didn't look like me, bags under my eyes and dark circles. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to. As I walked down stairs, I saw my mom just sitting on the couch watching TV. She turns around to look at me but doesn't say anything. I felt like I wasn't part of this family and I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone.