this complicated thing called life

~chapter two~

My sister came in my room and hugged me . I could feel her shaking, My jaw quivered and my eyes filled with tears. I didn't want to cry. The words " I'm so sorry " slipped out of my mouth. I could feel her hugging me tighter . Why was i like this ? How could i do this to my family ? I let them down. I want to be fucking normal. Everything would be easier if I just went away. They may think they need me but they don't . My sisters arms went limp, she opened her mouth, trying to say something without crying. Finally , she said something . "How could you do this to us ? Do you know how scared we were? We were so close to losing you. You put us through so much shit and you can't even put a freaking smile on your face now that you're home. You broke me and you broke mom and dad and you don't even care. " I was shocked. I've never seen her cry before . She was a strong person. She was the only one telling me how she really felt. My parents just keep acting like everything's perfectly fine . I didn't know what to say, but after a while I spoke. " I didn't to this to hurt you, or mom or dad I did it because i wanted to die, and I'm not gonna pretend everything's okay like mom and dad . Alright? I'm not "better" and you guys treating me like a fucking baby isn't gonna make it better. And I don't want to talk to you, or anyone right now so just leave , okay? " She looked disgusted and disappointed. Shit, I was never rude like that.