Love Joy

SUMMER TIME

My grandma lived in Inkster, MI. It's about 30 minutes outside of Detroit city. It  was a mistake to send me there, because at this point I really didn't give a fuck about anything, and now I had nothing but time on my hands. My grandmother was too old to really pay attention to my every move. I felt like I was pretty much living on my own. 

I met this girl named Ta-Ta at a summer program where they had activities and free lunch for teenagers. Ta-Ta and I both were turning 17 that summer, and she knew how to have fun. She introduced me to this boy named Man. He was a little bad ass - just my type. The first time I smoked weed was with Man, Ta-Ta and her boyfriend, Tony. They all had already been smoking, so I lied and said I smoked too. Man passed me the blunt. I took a pull and damn near coughed up a lung. Man and Tony laughed so hard, I was embarrassed. Sitting there while everyone passed it around I realized these were some real cool people. Ta-Ta was like the sister I never had. She knew everyone and all the gossip in town. You needed anything, she knew where to go or who to talk to. Tony was like a brother to me in the few short months I'd known them. He would give you the shirt off his back, and do anything to help you, if he could. And Man, well, he was cute as hell, had a smart ass mouth and always in trouble. Three things I couldn't resist. While I was sitting there, it hit me. I was high, and oh my god...this feeling. I started off laughing and couldn't stop. Then, all of a sudden, I wanted to fuck. What the hell was going on with me?  My hormones were all over the place. I grabbed Man's hand and placed it on my breast. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. 

Ta-Ta started cracking jokes "Y'all better get a room!" 

Wow. I never felt this before. I was so used to disconnecting from my body whenever I thought about sex, but with Man, this felt so right. 

Mr. Burns was just rounding the corner as things had started to heat up. He was a part of the faculty members for the program . "Hey!!!" He yelled, his voice scaring the shit out of me. "You kids know better than this! Get y'all butts back into the lunch room."  We all took off running and laughing our asses off. Once we got back into the building, I couldn't get the feeling of Man being all over me out of my head. I started making plans for the night. 

I told Man to meet me at the park that was about a block from my grandmother house. 10 pm came and I checked in on big momma. She was knocked out like a light. I eased my way out the back door and headed for the park. Once I got there, Man was sitting behind the park bench trying not to draw attention to himself. I sat next to him feeling nervous at first, but he pulled out a blunt and we started talking. Before I knew it, I was telling him my life story. I mean, I really opened up to him. I purposely left out the fact that I had been raped. After we smoked, Man didn't waste any time, but this time it was slightly different. He was very aggressive and I could smell alcohol on his breath. I tried pushing him away without being an asshole but it only made him more aggressive. 

"Stop, Man." 

"Come on, Love. You asked me to come over. I thought you wanted to fuck."

"I do, but not like this. I want it to be right and I'm just not feeling this."

"Fuck you, bitch. You playing games. I'm tired of you bitches always trying to play me." he said as he started to get up and walk away.

Scared of pissing him off and losing basically the first real friendship I've had with Ta-Ta, Tony, Man and myself, I said "Wait...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad." 

Without notice, he turned around and pushed me to the ground. He was on top of me holding me down with the weight of his body, pushing himself on to me. He didn't care about kissing me anymore. He was being very rough with the way he was touching me. Squeezing my breasts so tight it hurt, while trying to get my shorts off. I couldn't believe that this was how it was happening. Why did I even expect that anything would be different? As he was taking off my shorts, I started going to that place in my mind I did so many times with Larry, but then our eyes met and it was like I could almost see and feel his pain. Even though he was clearly trying to rape me, I felt something else. Something I never felt before. Was it Love? Sadness? I couldn't tell. The only thing I could tell was that this wasn't the same as it was with Larry. Somehow Man was hurting and taking it out on me. I held his gaze for a moment and then told him to fuck me. I felt as if I needed to make him feel better. Like I needed to take the pain from him, so I got up, unbuckled his pants, pulled them down and I started sucking his dick. After giving him head, he bent me over the park bench. It didn't take long as he stroked me like a first time felon fresh out on bail. It didn't feel any different like I thought it would either, but I did feel some form of love that I never felt before. For my life, anyways. 

The following morning I met with Ta-Ta at that same park to tell her the amazing news, that I had unofficially lost my virginity. But the look on her face told me something wasn't right. As soon as she saw me, she started crying. 

"What's wrong Ta-Ta? What happened?"

"Love, Tony was killed last night." 

"What the fuck? How? I'm so sorry Ta!" I said to her as I started to cry in disbelief.  We hugged and cried for what seemed like for hours at that corner. Ta-Ta loved that boy. He was her first everything. As a matter of fact, everybody from the hood loved and respected him. Not because he was a gangster, but because he genuinely was a good person at heart.

That night we all went to Tony's house to show our support for the family. Man was really fucked up about it too. That was his best friend since grade school. Tony's cousins were all out back talking about what happen and how Tony got killed. Apparently he was going to re-up, but when he pulled up to the dope house, he was robbed. They shot him over 15 times while still sitting in his mom's car. Man was ready for murder after hearing what happen to his boy. That night it felt like we smoked a hundred blunts and drank ten gallons of Hennessy. 

The rest of that summer I spent learning the game. Man taught me everything. How to buy, cook and sell crack. He showed me how to use a gun, how to fight and beat a bitch ass if I needed to. I learned a lot that summer, and that's when shit started to really take a turn in my life.

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