Should I consider myself this lucky? I mean what is the definition of being lucky? Is that when you are eating more than three times a day, sleeping in a nice bed place or being completely looking good?
For once I understood for certain that I am lucky. Yeah, I should say that but why am I not happy? Being 24/7 in a studio was quite not really fun situation. I’m a novice in this industry and yet I find myself looking for myself in this dark world that is destined for me. I will not deliberate my life that much because I don’t want to remember my never ending complaint of what was going on my life.
If only people are here in my position now I would have tell that they really can’t. People keep asking me the same question over and over “How is it like to be a famous solo artist at a young age, being a gorgeous kid with an expensive voice?”
I switch to with my equivocal answers because I don’t want it to be difficult and nothing less, I don’t want to open up that much to people. At least my answer was the truth.
Later after fans meeting, she find some time for us to be alone.
“You are not going to school” Clara said apoplectically to me. That was the time I freaked out and ran to the bathroom and cry out loud.
School was very important to me. I know that people spend almost their life in school. Actually I'm not attempting to literally go to school, I can do home-base like here's the teacher, here's the book, we don't need to go far. House is enough as far as I'm gaining knowledge as other children does.
Clara is my manager who is in control to me and my decision. Everything I do must approve her first. My parents didn’t know that. I’m away from them and cannot tell how I suffered from this. Because since I was five years old when I started to enter this no light world and now I am six and still I don’t know.
I behaved errantly but she knows me better that after that I will be fine and forget what she said because she thinks that I’m matured?
Honestly I don’t know when people are kinda to be matured.
Is that when they want things to be gone good and smooth after hearing some uncontainable words? Is that when they don’t plant and invest anger in their hearts and just moved on?
I want music, yeah. I love singing, yeah, very much but I don’t think I love the labor of doing this from time to time and nonstop like a slave.
Change topic. I am creating this new album so I really need to push it and rehearse again and again.
I have this one manager named Clara again and she is always with me, assisting all my needs. She’s incredible, she’s been mentoring me and guiding me because yah that’s the manager meant for. Too bad, she’s very stressed out.
“Go back to work Hestia, keep on practicing and you will get it.” She is a reality horror of my life.
“In 15 minutes, we will start recording” she added.
The pressure is on
“Yeah, sure” I try to put a big smile on my face considering that she is my manager and don’t want to feel her bad.
As soon as I finished my recording I need to sleep. Because I haven’t got enough sleep since yesterday. My poor little sleeping schedule.
I go upstairs and struggling to sleep even my sleep hours sucks. There’s a lot of things going in my mind now, of how my future will be look liked. I wish that I am isolated, A secret, never known and not the famous one.
My dream to be happy is swirling like a twisted cord. Too impossible to straightened nor come true. I felt that I am lonely. Wishing I have an older brother or an older sister will do, that will accompany me whenever I want. Is this life meant for me considering my parents are both singers thinking I should do the same?
I turn off the magenta green glowing lamp. Soon I will come to sleep.
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Its 5:00 in the morning, my alarm keeps on ringing and I keep on turning it off but my eyes won’t open, my body didn’t want to get up either. What am I doing????
