Squilliam X Squidward

Smokey Pineapples

Squidward liked the regulars of the Krusty Koffee. They were normal, never changed their order, never made any fuss, were kind, friendly and overall very nice. He made conversation with them as he brewed whatever mixture the customer wanted, even allowing the annoying Spongebob to chime in occasionally. But there was one regular he didn't like.

Squilliam Fancyson.

This man came in at exactly 5:45 each day, ordering the same drink and leaving at exactly 6 o'clock. This would be fine with Squidward if the drink he ordered wasn't hot chocolate.
Seriously.
Would orders a hot chocolate at a coffee shop?!

Squidward made sure to make it was disgusting as possible; warm milk with a spoon of cocoa power mixed in, often not stirred in correctly.

Squilliam just drank it up, smiling and paying him far more than what was needed. The tips were nice... But Squidward hated disorganisation, and disorganisation came in the form of Squilliam.

Speaking of which...

Ding

Of course.

He was here.

Squilliam Fancyson.

"Hello Squiddy! How are you today?" he asked while smirking, knowing the effect he had on Squidward. That made him start steaming like a train.

"Just fine," he grumbled, lacking the usual false luster he had to usual customers. He couldn't be fucked with this now.

"I'll have... Hot chocolate please!" laughed Squilliam in that God awful, kind of cute but still infuriating way he did.

"May I suggest you order something else? We have mochas, espressos, americanos, cappuccinos, frappuccinos, a-"

"Give me my damn hot chocolate already," interrupted the aristocrat, beginning to look irritated.

"... Fine," caved Squidward, too tired to argue for long. At least the gay piece of shit Spongebob wasn't here...

He pulled the cocoa tin off its shelf, being the only person tall enough to reach it in the whole staff apart from Sandy. Honestly, she could move like a squirrel.

"Hey... What's your favourite type of coffee?" Squilliam suddenly asked, brushing his black hair with a comb he drew out of God knows where.

"Well... I quite like the peppermint espresso with vani- Wait, why?" demanded the coffee maker, suddenly looking suspicious.

"Well... I'll have one of those!" Squilliam unexpectedly chuckled, his purple suit tightening a little as his chest laughed.

"W-wait, are you serious?!" Squidward fucking squealed, because goddamn it he was happy as fuck.

"Yes, dipshit," sneered the pretentious fuck, leaning against the counter more and brushing his black hair again.

Asshole.

Squidward was giddy at this point, dancing around as he made the second cup of steamy hot mixture, grinning widely as within 4 minutes Squilliam Fancyson, regular of the Krusty Koffee, had two cups of coffee in takeaway cups in front of him. He picked up the two of them and for some strange reason, pulled out a pen. Squidward couldn't care less.

He pulled out his phone and turned his back to the aristocrat, playing a quick game of doddle jump on a Halloween setting.

"Hey Squidward," came the irritating voice of the pretentious, posh, rich, insufferable and ungrateful  Squilliam Fancyson.

Squidward snapped.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!?" screamed Squidward, spot flying as he did a 180 and almost slapped Squilliam in the face.

"You left your coffee behind," the black-haired aristocrat sneered, handing the cup of coffee to him and walking away, audible laughter leaving him as he walked out of the door, 7 minutes earlier than usual.

Squidward looked back down at the cup.

24 Oakley Place, 7:30 pm tonight. Snooze, you lose.