I am a mess.
I might not show it to others but I am.
I try my best and fail,
Sister hates me,
Moms getting stessed,
I lead my brother on the path of obesedy,
Dad cheated on mom more then once with multiple women yet she still forgives him, dad cant get a job without me filling out application, I have bad thoughts of life without me in it is I were to die just like that will they be happy. All u want is my pain to end.
I always hear how cutting helps but I can never bring myself to do it. Instead I scratch, with either a pen cap or my nails I will scratch till someone stops me or I bleed. I've been called fat by many people, so so.etimes I might go breakfast, lunch, or dinner without eating. sometimes I will only eat a banana the whole day. Yet with my fucked up life I see people with worse. Some with no family or friends, some with no one who cares. In life people may call themselves friends but you know they secretly judge you behind your back. I call people "friends" yet that is just my mask. People never see the real me it is always my mask. It has became apart of me now. I will go to school and I will have a sad face to a fake smile yet no one notices. You WANT someone to know yet you can't get yourself to tell anyone you go mute. Everyday of my life I put on a mask, man not even my cousins can't stand being near me. And when you try to get help it is always the same thing, "how dose that make you feel" or they want to bring up the past and you want to talk about things that are happening right now. And they get upset and give up on you cause you won't talk, they expect to you to trust them just like that, and then if you do counseling at school they end up telling your gaurdians. So the " what you say in here stays in here" crap is fake its all fake.
Yet you must know there are people with crappier lives then us. So if you don't want to talk write. That is exactly what I am doing right now. Those stupid counselors sometimes just make you feel worse I hate all the same questions it's like they are machines so I write out my problems I don't say it 100%ly works but it works for me. So if you hate counselors like I do just write.
