Letters to Ezra

6/3/2017

Dear Ezra,

Somehow I knew that you're going to make your whole first letter about yourself.

I had a feeling that you'll want to let the whole world know who you are because we are all too damn stupid and lame for a mind like yours.

You are too big for this world.

Your cell sounds just like you. Plain, boring and enough. Enough is a good word to describe you, although it's not used for people. Oh, that may even be the reason.

Also, I'm pretty glad they gave you pens. I guess they don't give them to stabbers, but you're a strangler so it's okay. At some point, I think they hoped you'll stab yourself.

Do you know why people in the prison won't talk and mess with you? You are too sick even for their awful killer minds. You are sick enough to make serial and massive killers feel like you're too much.

But you are not mad, I agree. You were never a mad man. You are just a narcissist whose wish to be famous got a little bit too big and a little bit too combined with your twisted sociopathic mind.

Anyway, enough about you. You're probably going to make your whole next letter about yourself so I should take my chance to speak of anything normal immediately.

I finished college and I got my degree, if you were maybe wondering. I can finally teach little children and enjoy the thing I've studied for such a long time.

Everyone at the graduation had their parents around them, laughing and cheering shit like: "That's my little daughter!"

Cut it out, the woman's twenty-three and can live on her own without your meaningless praising.

Later the same girls were being hugged and kissed by their boyfriends and husbands, yet I was standing in the corner and looking at my diploma on my own.

So yeah, one of your secret 'I didn't want to ask right away' questions is answered: no, I didn't get a new boyfriend after you.

It's not that I still love you, I don't. It's the fact that I'm not yet ready to find someone new and it just feels weird.

I guess that's just the way it has to be for a while.

I still look pretty much the same. The only thing that changed is my hair which I've cut shoulder-length.

Also, you can wish all you want, but I'm not visiting you in prison, Ezra. Why would I even want to see you?

My mother still lives in Minnesota and she still doesn't want to see my face. I hope she'll make up her mind about me soon because I'm getting tired of living behind your name and face.

Everybody still looks at me with terror on their face and they call me "Ezra's Juliet" or "Ezra's girlfriend".

I don't want to be associated with you all of the time, for God's sake. I'm not the one who held your hands while you were doing the stuff you did.

I'm not someone who planned to murder or wanted to play God.

People think I'm like you, Ezra, and I'm disgusted by it.

I'm now living alone in our house, which is now my house actually. I still have to get some papers done. I have no idea how these things are usually done...

I never thought I'll get in a situation like this... I really never did.

Either way, write me a letter soon.
Tell me a bit about how you feel now that you've experienced how taking lives functions.

How do you even sleep at night?

I hate you and you know it,
Juliet.