I give up, i just give up. How does anyone expect me to live, when i cant survive this anymore. It's getting so hard now, i can't keep up. I'm not some suicidal 12 year old by the way, I'm 15, and i have no idea what to do next year, I'll probably be sofa hopping, having no reason to live, like now. My parents, i can tell, are giving up all hope on getting me a career, which is understandable, i would've given up on me by now. I don't get a choice, to live i mean, i have people watching over me 24/7. Since my diagnosis, don't dwell on me, my parents have been switching between not letting me breathe without assistance, to throwing me outside. It's understandable, who would want to look after me and watch me die everyday? You're my parents, not my nurse. I'm not one to spill my heart out onto a page, but when i was 13, i got diagnosed with cancer, a brain tumour to be exact. I've lived two of the five years i have left, every year goes past like a minute, When i was first diagnosed, i was scared. I didn't want my mother to become nothing, i wanted her to have worth after her light had died. Of course she always will, but to her she'll be nothing. I'm not willing to wait 3 more years in agony, I can tell my parents are embarrassed to be around me, The first year of the run up to dying was amazing, we all thought that five years was a long time to become a walking, talking tumour, so we estimated i'd live a year, we did everything i wanted, nearly completed my bucket list, the second year was nearly as good. No school, appointments, internet surfing, more appointments, sleep, more internet surfing. I discovered more and more of who i was and i was waiting for it to all pass, i was discovering this whole new type of life, a happy type, one that didn't deserve to be filled with cancer and death and suicide. Towards the end of last year it got worse, i had migraines constantly and my lungs even started shutting down frequently. My walls were crushing me, waves flooding me, my mental and physical state was deteriorating and everyone thought those were my final days. We all planned my funeral while i was in hospital and a couple of days later i was getting better. I'm about to go through to my third year and hopefully it isn't as chilling as the past two.
Thankyou so much for reading!! keep reading, i have so many plans for this book i can tell you now it's going to get interesting. Can someone make me a cover for this book please? I know you don't have that much information but i really want to see what you all think she/he looks like. I'm trying to let your imagination take over the book so if anyone wants something to happen in the book private message me and I'll try and add it into the book! Thank you all lovelies x
