Heroes (On Hold)

Chapter 12: Two Truths and a Massive Lie

I couldn't stop shaking. The tears eventually stopped, but the shaking... it persisted. It could have been for a number of reasons. Perhaps it was shock, but I doubted it. The only time I had ever gone into shock was when I had watched my parents die in front of me.

When I had thought I had watched my boyfriend die in front of me.

I was happy that he was alive- hell, I was ecstatic. In fact, one of my leading theories on the shaking was joy and relief. However, it wasn't my most compelling answer.

Rage.

Once everything had truly sunk in- that I wasn't just being desperate, that it really did make sense- the tears had eventually stopped. That was when my good friend rational thought arrived. The thoughts had slowly seeped in through my happiness, starting one at a time, then coming in faster and steadier. Someone is going to be looking for you soon. Your eyes are red and puffy from crying. Someone will probably ask why or what happened. When thy do, are you going to tell them a lie? And if so, what will your lie be? Or will you tell them that your best friend lied to you for months that your boyfriend was dead and buried because of you, even when she saw that your guilt for it was tearing you apart?

Anita lied to you. She let you be eaten alive by guilt even though she knew that Ben hadn't died.

There were so many questions left unanswered by all of this. Were my parents alive too? If Ben was alive, where was he? Why hadn't he come to find me?

My thoughts turned to the masked archer- to that person whose infallible aim had seemed almost superhuman, who had been able to find me in that abandoned building with hardly any searching at all. He had called me Ella, had made me initially consider the possibility that Ben was still alive.

Maybe the answer was staring me right in the face. Maybe Ben was right in front of me.

Anita returned to the forefront of my mind. Why had she lied to me, and then gone to such lengths to make sure I didn't find out the truth? Hadn't she seen what my guilt was doing to me?

Sort out what happened with Anita later, my friend rationality insisted. First, there's a dead man you need to find.

🌜🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌛

I took some time to calm down, and waited for the puffiness to go away. I knew there were tricks to make it fade faster, but I couldn't remember them, nor did I believe they would actually work. Crying eyes are like hiccups: the only real cure is time.

Once I looked normal again, I made my way as carefully as I could to Ms. Wren's office without being seen by anyone- especially by Anita. That was one situation I wasn't ready to face.

Eventually, I arrived at Ms. Wren's door, and knocked before being let in. She looked surprised to see me back so soon. "Ella! Did you need something?"

Answers. So many answers. Did you lie too? Are my parents out there as well? Am I actually an orphan, or has everyone I've decided to trust been lying to my face?

But I didn't voice those questions. Instead: "Actually, yes. Are there any other missions right now? Anyone who is about to head out, and could use a partner?"

Her demeanor shifted from surprised to confused. "Well, yes... but... why?"

I looked down and shuffled my feet. When in doubt, go with the truth. "I just really need to not be at the Haven right now. I figure I might as well do some good with it." Well, a truth and a lie.

It was true- I needed to leave the Haven, so that I could find Ben. But I wasn't looking for a distraction, I was looking for an unsuspicious way off the campus. I knew what she would read in those words: a girl who had just visited her parents' and her boyfriend's graves, who needed a distracting from her grief. I let her see it.