The Light Inside

    Katie sat beside her mother in the chair. The chair was plastic on metal legs. She wiggled and shifted trying to find a comfortable position. It seemed like she had been there all day but actually had been fifteen vminutes.                                                        "                                                               Sit still!" her mother hissed. Katie froze. She looked at her mother. Her mother glared at her. "I told you to behave. You do this shit to piss me off. Your ass is in trouble when we leave here."                                                  Katies eyes welled up with tears, but she knew better then to let her mother see the tears. Her ear still rung from this morning. She told her mother that the shoes her mother told her to wear scrunched her toes. This resulted in a slap to her head.  The blow caught her on the ear.                                                     "I fucking told you to wear the fucking shoes! Your worthless! You cant do a damn thing I tell you to do without whining! PUT ON THE FUCKING SHOES!"                                       Katie wished she could quit making her mother mad.

    "Ms. Thomas," said the DHS lady. "I'm ready for you."

       Katies mother stood up and grabbed Katies hand.

         "Come on, honey." Mama said with a smile. Katie knew Mama was only being nice in front of the lady and she would be punished for making Mama mad earlier.

       "Ms. Thomas, I'm Mrs. Dawson you new case worker. I understand that your here to recertify on your food stamps. Your caseworker Mr. Garner has retired and I'm taking his clients."

    Mrs. Dawson looked down at the file. The woman that sat before her was tall and thin. Her hair was a honey blond and her eyes were a dark brown.

   "She would be pretty if it wasnt for the acne scars." thought Mrs. Dawson.She turned to look at the little girl. The girl was also thin and very small for four years old. Katie had black hair and dark green eyes. She had a turned up nose with a few freckles across it.

     "She's going to be a beauty when she's grown." she thought.

       After the appointment Katie and her mother walked ten blocks back to the apartment where Katie, her mother and Billy, her mothers boyfriend lives.

      When they got home, Billy was sitting on the stoop of the apartment. Billy was holding a cigarette between his fingers. When he saw Katie and her mother coming up the sidewalk he looked at them with bloodshot eyes.                                                        .     "Where the hell you been, Darcy?"                                          

       " I had to go to my foodstamp appointment today. I told you that this morning."

       'Fuck, Darcy! I thought you were going to bring me a fix. You know I'm hurting."                                                                                   Katie didn't know what Billy was talking about, but as long as Billy was talking to mama they would forget about her.

        "Baby," said Darcy,"I thought me and you could go together and hang out at Sulley's Bar for awhile. Just give me a minute."

         Katie suddenly felt sad. She knew that she would be staying alone at home tonight. She wasnt afraid. She had stayed alone by herself numerous times before.                           She knew that her mama and Billy wouldnt be home until in the morning and she wouldn't get to eat tonight.

      "Katie," said Darcy,"Get in the fucking house. I'll be up in a minute."                                    

       Katie walked slowley up the stairs to the dark apartment. She opened the door and entered the shabby livingroom. The couch was worn. Katie remembered the couch when mama brought it home. It had sitting on the street for the trash truck. A small t.v. sat on a crate in the corner. It wasn't working because their electric had been turned off. The table that was in the kitchen had wooden crates for chairs and the table was covered with beer cans and overflowing ashtrays.

           Katie walked into her room. Her bed was a blanket on the floor. Sometimes the roachs would crawl on her or the rats would bite. She shuddered as she thought how they felt against her skin.

           "Katie!" yelled mama."Come here now!"

            Katie walked in the livingroom slowely. She already knew what was going to happen.

           The darkness surrounded Katie as she lay on the blanket on the floor. The memory of mamas slaps still made her head hurt.

            Mama was still mad at her when she entered the livingroom when mama called for her.                          

"What the fuck were you doing,Katie? Your always wanting attention! I hate taking you anywhere!" Mama grabbed her hair and slapped her repeatly on her cheek. Katies eyes watered from the sting. Mama pushed her back. "Me and Billy are going out for a while. You better stay in this house while We're gone and stay out of shit!"

            Katies stomach rumbled reminding her that she hadn't eaten since yesterday. She had eaten a stale cracker.                 

      She knew what she had to do. Katie had done it before.

        She slipped on her shoes and opened the door. She walked down the stairs onto the sidewalk.The streetlights lit Katies way.     

             She walked two blocks and entered the dark alleyway. She walked to the dumpster and opened the lid. She hoped that nobody from the restarunt came out.

          CHAPTER 2

       Katie woke up the next morning to the sound of mama and Billy coming in the door.

        "Let's go to bed." said Darcy. "I'm so f'ed up. It was a blast but I need to lay down."

          "With you, babe"said Billy.

         Katie heard the bedroom door close. She reached for the piece of chocolate cake she brought back last night.

           She had went to the dumpster last night and had eaten a piece of steak that someone hadn't finished and found a little piece of cake. The cake frosting had paper and lettuce and crumbs stuck to it but she had picked all that off and had brought it home for this morning.

       Katie scarfed the cake. She wiped her mouth with the edge of her blanket from her bed after licking the frosting feom her fingers. She watched as a roach crossed the floor and went into a crack. She knew that she needed to be quiet or mama would get mad and punish her. She went to the dirty window and looked outside. Sometimes she would watch outside for hours and make up stories about the people passing below.

        She watched as a man and a little boy crossed the street holding hands. She imagined that that man was her daddy and he was taking her to his house. She would have a beautiful room with a white bed and a big dollhouse and lots of dolls and a closet full of beautiful dresses and shoes that fit. He would give her hugs and tell her that he loved her. Not the kind of touching Billy sometimes gave her. Her dad would cook her meals and never would leave her alone by herself.

       As she sat and daydreamed she started to wonder who her daddy was and where is he. Her mama never talked about her daddy but sometimes would say Katie looked like him.