Breaking-Out The FriendZone

Tell Me How You Really pt. 1

Waking up I can't help but smile as I remember last night. It seems like every time I'm going through something he's always there and knows just what to do, what to say and sometimes know that words aren't even needed; it's like he can read my mind or something. I don't really know how to explain it but all I know is it feels amazing but it's one big thing that's left unsaid and is really frustrating me because it feels like a mixed signal at times and then other times it's like we're on the same page.

"Just ask me..." he says startling me. See what I mean, I'm not even facing him, and he can tell that I am awake. "Huh? I didn't even know that you were awake..." I say while turning around to face him. "Well yes I'm awake and I know what's on your mind so just ask me." He said while sitting up on one elbow. "I have no clue what you're talking about." I say while sitting up in indian style in the middle of my bed.

"Are you afraid of my answer?" He asks while looking into my eyes with a level of intensity that made me nervous yet warm at the same time. Scrunching up my eyebrows "Again I have no clue to what you're referring to." I reply as I do my best to play stupid. "Okayyy well I have no reason to be here then because you are so stubborn and acting like you don't know what I'm talking about." He says as he stands up and grabs his jeans.

Watching him put on his pants I could not stop the battle within myself. Oh my gosh, is he serious? I don't know if I should ask him, what if his answer is not what I want to hear. Ughh why am I so fucking scared. Am I scared of what it might become? If we took that next step, how would it be? He can already read my mind and it's like we have these deep conversations without even speaking. But then it's that negative "what if". What if he doesn't like me like I like him. What if it doesn't work out and he doesn't want to be friends anymore? I had so many wild thoughts spinning around in my mind I just screamed "STOP!! Please." I begged while sitting up on my legs with my feet underneath me.

Stopping, he looks over at me with his belt hanging loose and his jeans still unbuttoned showing the top of his Tommy Hilfiger boxer briefs "Are you going to ask me?" he asks as his jawline tightens. " Okay dang, what is this that we are doing?" I asked while pointing between him and I.

"Well, you're sitting there looking at me and I am standing here waiting for you to be more specific with your question." As he folds his arms across his chest. Giving him the stalest face. " Really Ant? Don't be a smart ass you already know how I am.    "

"Ohh so you can use sarcasm, but I can't? Really dude get on somewhere with that shit."

" Yes, because I've always been sarcastic since day one." As I think to myself yes, I'm changing this subject." Pooda yo ass ain't slick now ask me or I'm leaving." He says while buttoning up his pants and fixing his belt. " Okay ugh and stop doing that it makes it feel like you can read my mind. " I say pulling my curls back. "It does feel like that at times huh, but you do it to me so we're even." He says while stepping closer.

"Apparently not because it's something I can't read about you that's been fucking with my head." I said while dramatically pulling on my hair. " Well fucking ask me then damn Pooda." He said climbing on the bed frustratingly. Wow, I never saw him get this mad he's always had that laid-back personality and rarely ever raised his voice well at least never at me. But I know once I ask it will change our friendship and will never be the same and that's what I fear the most.

Frustratingly I try to think of how to even ask him it's like should I be blunt or drag it out. Finally, I said fuck it and just spoke " Ugghhh okay damn; umm seriously we have been friends since the summer after freshman year of school. And ever since we met, we've become soo close and after I told you I was bi it seemed like you started to flirt with me, and now I'm starting to realize I have these strong mixed feelings that go beyond just friends. So, to get to the point because I see it all over your face, umm do you like me more than a friend?" I asked while looking at everything but him.

Finally finding the courage, I look at him as he has this serious perplexing look on his face. The silence felt heavy, and my mind instantly started to go into overdrive. I felt my chest getting tight dreading what he was thinking or what he would even say. Fuck, did I just losemy best friend? Will he really want to be friends after this? Heck will it be awkward?What if he wants to beat my ass for even assuming some shit like that? how the hell could I not though he was just sleeping with me wrapped in his arms. Maybe he's just super confident in his masculinity. My mind fought with different scenarios and their outcomes as I stared into his eyes.