The nightmare

THE TRUTH

I was 11, it was an usual day with my family in Saudi Arabia. Somewhere I was very excited because that day my grandparents were arriving from India i.e my native place to our place. There were preparations going on in our house for their welcome. From dishes to curtains, everything was  arranged as per their likes. Like a small innocent child I was waiting for their arrival because I love them. I was consistently asking my mother when are they going to come, when will I get to meet them. She comforted me by telling they are on the way, though she was also every excited to meet her parents after 2 years. I waited patiently for 3 hours but got tired of it and fell  into a deep sleep on living room couch, later my mum tucked me into bed with a soft kiss and a warm blanket...

I was still waiting for my sun to shine...

Next day I woke up in my grandmother's arms, that's the best feeling of my childhood to get up in my grandmother's arms, though it was very rare but still I loved it. Within one hour we gathered at our dinning table for breakfast. My family along with my grandparents all together just felt right like my whole world was at last in order. Me and my siblings had some Nutella on breads with mixed fruit juice whereas my grandparents had toast and hot tea with no sugar as they were diabetics patients. We all laughed a little more that day at our dinning table. After some time i saw my dad leaving for office,wanted to hug him and wave a goodbye like other normal children does but I didn't, it was 8am.

There are lots of people I admire and respect, but I don't necessarily want to be like them. I'm too happy being myself.

Playing and lazing around 10:15am happened, I was in my playing room with my siblings with whom I have spent my best time of life till now. Within few seconds I heard my mother scolding me  from the  bedroom to go for a shower, since I was 11 I was able to have bath myself. She called me in bedroom near cupboard for my clothes where my grannie was sitting on a chair, she looked at me with a wide smile and in response I smiled back. I took my clothes and proceeded to bathroom singing my favourite poem bits of paper. In 30 minutes I was out, suddenly heard someone crying from bedroom so without thinking anything I just went there as soon as I reached the door I heard my grannie saying,"it wasn't your fault my child, she was in your destiny, it was her destiny that she came into your womb". At start I didn't get what grannie exactly meant, who was "she" and the most disturbing thing why my mother was crying. With all these questions in my small head I decided to listen them further by standing at the door though it wasn't correct to listen their talks but still I wanted answers.

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

Grannie continued, "Just forget whatever happened dear. It wasn't in your hand to give birth to a boy or a girl, it's God's blessing though your in-laws weren't okay with it. Carol is such a beautiful child, you should be happy to have her. I know my dear you have gone through soo many things for carol but this isn't even her fault, right? Why blaming a small child for her existence? I knew fights gonna happen when you have something which you don't want that's the reason I asked her from your husband and in-laws but they didn't want to give her, why putting carol in this gross situation. I can't do anything but always remember love her because if she will come to know this she will break, love her." Yeah! I was really broken, broken into pieces because it wasn't something normal, this sadness was not like when my toy breaks or I don't get my favourite chocolate, it's a very weird and worst feeling to know that your dad is not happy to have you and your mother suffered a million things to keep you alive or near her. I didn't ask about this to my grannie, mum or anyone  further because I don't wanna know how more gross things really are. I was shattered, busted and crushed under this truth. On one side I was happy to atleast know why things are soo different and weird between me and my dad. I didn't sleep that night, I was sitting in a corner of the room with legs tight to chest and hands around them, thinking about this truth and sobbing. Many things were running in my small head which was soo much than I could carry. I felt that I was too young to be hurt by this truth. This was a nightmare for me from which I always wanted to come out, this was a dream from which I  wanted to get up but I can't.

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced......