I don't know if I'm going to actually post this. I just need to talk to someone who's impersonal, and any reader is going to be like that. Hopefully, this'll help me, and it might become a thing I do when I can't sleep or just need to vent. P.S. the music above is what I listened to while writing this. On repeat. It's really relaxing.
It's currently 2 a.m. I have all these thoughts running through my head, and anyone who reads this stupid shit gets to see some of these.
Guess I should start off with why the fuck I'm awake. I literally can't sleep. I'm so overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, and I should do them while I'm awake right now, but I can't get myself to do it. I don't want to do anything. I want to lay in bed and listen to music. I want to relax and not worry about anything for five minutes. That's all I want.
I don't want to worry about my grades and my future and my family. I don't want to worry about quitting doing things I love. Sometimes, I feel like it would be easier if I just quit my swimming and stopped taking dance and guitar in school. As much as I love my little extracurricular activities, they're so expensive. I could get a job and try to balance that with school. But how would I manage that, when I can barely manage my schoolwork now?
School has gotten to the point where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I dread my school days now. I look back on my childhood, when it was easy to get up for school every morning. When I absolutely relished heading to school every morning. Now, I don't want to deal with the stress and the people who are simply mean for the sake of it.
It's so tiring. The break downs and anxiety attacks. If I talked to someone, they'd tell me to talk to my therapist, but I don't want nor need more medications. I'm already not taking the ones I'm prescribed now. Maybe that's why I've been so unstable lately. Probably. But I don't want to go back to taking medication to be able to get through the day. I've been doing that for as long as I can remember. I feel so free off my meds. Like I can actually feel and be myself. It's rather liberating.
I'm gonna end this here. I still have a lot of thoughts running through my head, but I don't know how to put them down into words. So, I guess, until next time, buh-bye.
YOU ARE READING
Little Thoughts
Short StoryI can't sleep. I can't talk to anyone and I feel like writing. So you get to see some of what's running through my head during these wee hours of the night. I don't know how this'll turn out, but I sometimes feel like I just need to write and even i...
