Better In bed

I woke up to a email that surprised me so much I nearly hit my head on the headboard of my bed. The email said "Congrats on getting in to NYU. School starts 08/25/2018 which is in 2 months so be ready to start! We are looking forward to seeing you in the future!  "-NYU. I was so excited to be welcomed into the school I made it feel like it was the first day of high school. I'm surprised that they are still accepting applications only a month in advance.

Soon after rereading the message over and over I day-dreamed about how my life would be after getting my second degree in journalism. I dreamed that I was a worlds best journalist and that I sold all my articles and magazines and my boyfriend would shower me in roses-er well if I had one and if I actually became good in this career. Later that day, I responded to the email I got from NYU. I said how much I thanked them, though I didn't have a very high but good enough GPA score from when I dropped out after two years and I said how much this degree was very needed and I asked a few questions too.

Then the money hit. I still had to pay. Well here I am at 11:00pm begging my dad for money. I know it sounded pretty pathetic, but right now I needed all the money I could get. He went through this whole thing about how this was the only time. He sent the money to my account and then I deposited a bank account to keep saving up my money so I could pay for the tuition at the end of my semester plus have at least 200$ left to keep saving up for the next semester after that.

The next morning I got a call from Rebecca telling me to come down to the hibachi place across the street. When I got there I was in for a surprise. They were all there. Rebecca, my brother Marcus, and my dad. There was balloons hanging around and streamers everywhere, there was even a banner that said "Happy Birthday Katelyn!" I was guessing it was going to be for getting into NYU until I realized the date and why the banner said "Happy Birthday" on it. It was my birthday! I wanted to be happy and laugh about how I completely forgot it was my birthday but I just couldn't, not knowing that my mom didn't even bother come. I burst in tears and ran out.

I ran all the way to my apartment and locked the door. She had never been there for me. Didn't bother to come to New York for my 21st birthday, didn't make an effort to help pay money for college. This was the worst birthday ever. I wish it would end. Right now.  About 5 minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I Didn't answer. I knew there was no point. Whoever it was. I knew it wasn't going to help. I just knew that they weren't. I wiped my tears but more kept coming.

It reminded me of the time these girls kept teasing me on the bus. I struggled in spelling and they took that against me. I remember them telling me I could never spell anything right and it was impossible for me to ever get anything but an F on my spelling tests. That's how I felt right now. It was impossible for a day to ever go right for me. I sniffed a little and leaned my head against the wall. I listened to the cars outside. The wind howling against my window. The sound of the person who continued to knock. The loud neighbors stomping around upstairs. It all seemed to happen at once. The sounds created a sensation of distraction for me. That's when something I've never thought before became something I've now thought about.

Sometimes I think a day in bed would be better. That if I just stayed in bed all day nothing could happen. Nothing could harm me. Maybe I am just better in bed.