I'm Sorry

ALEXA

     Looking down was the hardest part. The drop, my face getting whipped with the wind, smacking the cement 15,000 feet down. I have to do it, nobody will miss me. Standing on the edge, looking down at all of the people they look like ants, and I'm the god that controls them. I knew that wasn't true I just wanted to believe it. If I were to get down and go back 'home' I would hate myself and wish I would've jumped. The stars were pretty, the only thing I will remember, the image of stars burned into my head for the rest of eternity. My hearts racing now, I have goosebumps, all of my hairs on my neck are standing up and with that last thought... I jumped.  

     That afternoon...

   Laying in my bed reading the messages. Going through each nasty comment. "You're a slut, you don't deserve to live, no one likes you, kill your self already, we are all waiting for you to be gone, you're a whore," I tried to delete all of the comments but they just kept coming back. It follows me everywhere. I tried moving schools but they caught on too. I would cry myself to sleep every night dreaming that people would stop bulling me and move on to another girl. 

     Every time I get home I hope not to see my dad. He's always drunk I don't remember a time when he wasn't drunk. He tries to rape me all the time but I scream, and cry, and fight. I hate it here and wish my mom was still alive. She died in a car crash and that hit my dad really hard. He has been different ever since. Thank god he wasn't home.

     My best friend, or you can call her that. She doesn't even like me but she feels sorry for me so she hangs out with me from time to time when her mom makes her. She thinks I have no clue but I'm not stupid. At least I had okay friends at my old school, now nobody even likes me at this school. I try to stay in the shadows but its hard when everyone recognizes you as the girl that sends pics. Which I don't but everyone claims that I do because one person came up with it. The druggies won't even hang out with me.

     The only place I like in the whole world is the roof top. I love to watch the stars at night, I feel like I can see them moving, scraping against the sky like they are trying to leave the black hole that's called space, but I want to go there. I want to be floating with the stars. I don't even know why I'm still trying, trying to go to school, trying to live at home, trying to be good person. I keep thinking that as I walk up to the roof top planning on watching the stars till I fall asleep.

     Laying down at my spot sends shivers down my spine it's almost winter so it's really cold but that's not it, I feel different. Sitting on the edge of the building is what I like doing too, it feels like I'm almost flying but my butt is still on concrete and my legs are over the edge flying. When I stand up I usually scare myself and think I will accidentally fall. This time I'm not scared at all I kinda want to fall on accident. Leaning over the edge, my heart beat is quickening. 

     My dark black hair swirling in the wind as I watch the tiny ants walk around. I really want to go down there, join the stars. Nobody will miss me, nobody cares about me anymore, everyone will be even more happy that I'm gone. I stare at the stars and think I'm coming, I'm going to join you, I'll be there soon. Heights always scared me but not anymore my new fear is stepping down and going back. I can't do it, I can't go back anymore. I don't need anyone and nobody needs me. With those thoughts and the image of stars I jump and join my forever family.