"I'm sorry...can you repeat that?"
"I said you have one month to live," Dr. Warner repeats. "I'm sorry."
I look in to the doctor's eyes and see nothing but sympathy. But I don't want his sympathy. I want to live.
"So...uh...what should we do?" Ryder sits in the chair next to mine, squeezing my hand.
Medication. Live life. Foundations. At most a month. Truly sorry.
I hear the conversation between Ryder and Dr. Warner, but the words swim around in my head and won't let me make sense of them.
"Marley? Marley, hon, which one?" I snap back to reality and find Ryder has released his grip on my hand and is holding a stack of flyers and information packets.
"I'm sorry...which one of what?"
Dr. Warner just smiles understandingly and repeats, "Would you prefer pills or liquid medication?"
"What for?" I question.
The men exchange concerned glances and Ryder answers, "To ease you pain, Mar. To make you more comfortable."
"I-I don't…"
"It's fine," Dr. Warner interrupts my illiterate stammering. "Why don't you just take both home with you and see which you like better."
I nod my head slowly, not fully comprehending his offer.
"When's my surgery?" I ask without thinking. "I mean, I have to have one, right? Brain tumors don't go away with medicine, unless I've been oblivious to a recent medical discovery," I laugh. But Ryder and the doctor just exchange the same worried glance as they did before. After a long awkward silence, the Dr. Warner is the first to speak up.
"Mrs. Lynn…you're not having surgery."
"Wha-what?" I looked over at Ryder, expecting him to reason with the doctor, but instead he bows his head in painful silence. He excuses himself and steps out of the room.
"Again, Marley, I am so very sorry," Dr. Warner begins to stand, but I grab his arm.
"You...cannot let me die," I say through gritted teeth. "I have a child to think about."
The sympathy in his eyes is taken over by sorrow. "Yes, I understand that letting go of William will be the most difficult part of the process, but-"
"There will be no letting go! You are going to give me that brain surgery, dammit!" My screaming attracts a nurse, who peeks in and tells me I need to calm down. Ryder pushes past her and pulls me in to his arms, where I finally let the tears I had been holding in since the headaches started two weeks ago and we both knew something was up.
"We're gonna get through this, Mar. I swear."
I nod over and over until I see nothing but black
