For The Better [1]

Chapter 1: Memories Revisited

"Perfect," I muttered under my breath as I walked down the damp sidewalk, hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt, as rain poured down onto my head with every step that I took. In retrospect, I should've worn better clothing to this event, if you could even call it that. I suppose it didn't matter now, either way. I would be dealing with a lot and many mistakes, regrets and old demons would be coming back to haunt me on this day. It was better to deal with this before school started next week, one less thing to worry about. That was my way of thinking about it, at least. I had held this off for too long, I knew that but why? Maybe I was afraid of doing something I would regret or maybe I was afraid of losing people that I couldn't get back. I had already lost so many and the thought of going through again made my headache at the mere thought of such a demise as that. The echoing steps of my shoes on the cement seemed to haunt me, telling me that I was walking towards something that I could never ever walk away from. I could even feel the own beat of my heart, deep within my chest as I was already worrying about things that hadn't happened yet, but, as my own family constantly told me, I thought too much about things, too far into the future - my own mother always told to take things one day at a time. I only wish that I could listen and follow her advice now.

Halting in my tracks, I looked down at my shoes for a moment, seeing loose gravel around them from where I now stood. I knew now that I was here, at the place that I once called my own home. I lifted my head and stared up at the looming building that stood before me. I always called it a mansion and truly, that's what it was. It housed all my characters if they didn't have a home of their own. It used to be a place of love, family, laughter, and happiness. Now, it was a place of misery, regrets, mistakes, and blood that had yet to be shed on the green grasses that surrounded the place. I took a deep breath and gathered the courage to face the people inside, knowing they would be surprised to see me here once again. They last saw me leaving this place in breakdowns and emotional trauma from my experiences with my most recent ex-lover, Tom, but there would more about that later in the story and I don't think right now would be a good time to add insight on the memory that made my nights a living nightmare these days. In this world that I created, I now remembered that I had my powers here, my transformations where I didn't have to be trapped in the rules of the reality that I had to live in. I stepped forward, shifting into a sleek brown long-haired Maine Coon, which was the often animal of my choosing. It always had been, for some reason that I still did not know to this day. I stalked up to the large double doors of the mansion, taking another deep breath before I heaved myself up onto my back paws and pushed the doors wide open with my front ones, the large doors creaking open as a rumbling sound of thunder sounded above me from the storm that was raging overhead. This place seemed like an abandoned house, long forgotten, but I was no fool. I built this place from the ground up and I knew there were others here, many others.

I began my steady walk through the mansion's front room, seeing the two large staircases from my left and right out of the corner of my gaze. Even as I first set paw in this place, I could feel eyes on me and my every move, silent and in the shadows, curious to know what was going on, but too scared to come out of hiding. I was surprised that Robin was not here beside me right now, but I knew that she was around here or at least, near here. She was very late when I told her to be somewhere, especially at a time like this, where an event that she had been waiting for, months on end, was finally happening. I knew that with today there would be little happiness in the air and the sense of family like it once was. I should feel sad, even cry over like I once did, but somehow, I felt nothing. This was almost normal in my life with everything that has happened. Part of me wished that it could go back to how it once was, another part of me wished that I could've prevented all of this in the first place, yet a small part of me felt anticipated, almost a twisted type of excitement for this day to happen and I didn't know why, I guess I'd find out soon enough if I was patient - I had to be, anyway. There was no choice whenever or not, I was already too far into the hole I had dug for myself many months ago. Life always had a way of making every mistake I have haunt me until the end of time and perhaps, today I would release some of those painful emotions that these regrets caused as I sat alone, thinking.

Another sigh left my mouth as I went into another room, the air thick with the smell of chlorine and people of all types. This was the main pool area that I had installed here for everyone's enjoyment and I could still remember Ryuu and Sebastian enjoying the hot tub all those months ago. The pool was still full of water, but it showed no sign of use in a long time, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. A sound made my ears twitch and I turned my head, seeing several figures emerging from the doors that I had entered the pool area from. Ryuu, Charlie, and Freddie - three creatures that I never thought I would see together. Charlie and Freddie were always the types to hang around Hyde, but I didn't question that now. They paused in their walk when they saw that I had noticed them, but neither of any of us exchanged a single word with one another. I only turned my back on them and kept walking, heading towards the doors that lead to the backyard, where things would be much more easier rather than being held up in the cramped mansion. The steady fall of rain was clearly shown on the transparent glass as I headed towards the back door, but that didn't dare stop me. I pushed open the door with my front paws, once again being drenched with the cold, unforgiving rain that gave no mercy. I guess I didn't deserve any mercy for what I had done in my past, so I complained no more as I headed out into the grassy fields, my paws brushing over the damp, green grass.

Time seemed to slow down as I neared the end of the field and I could feel my heart beating again, the sound of the rainstorm around me seeming to just a faded echo in my ears and I wondered if this was a mistake, but no, this needed to be done. I couldn't let this go by any longer than it already has, there was too much suffering here for all of this to be going down. I never should've let all of them suffer like this, I never should've let this happen, why did I trust him to break us apart like this? Why did I ever trust him in the first place? I ask these questions to myself too often and yet now, they just seemed to echo in my mind, haunting me like everything else in this damned life that I live. I then stopped, my paws sliding in the grass as I turned and then sat down in the grass, lifting my head to look back at the mansion in the near distance, my emerald-hued eyes shining as raindrops fell through my fur with each moment that passed.