Not Just A Viewer

Part 3- Looking Forward

   Sitting as still as possible I heard my mom pause before she walked past me to sit. Facing her after avoiding her calls for a couple months was terrifying. I didn't know how to tell her I wanted to become a writer. She has always wanted me to become a doctor of some kind. Didn't matter, as long as it was in the medical field. 

   Staring at me from across the table I began to feel uneasy. Just as I shifted in my seat she started in on me. "So are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding my phone calls for the past four months?" she snapped. "Or are you going to explain to me why calling me for lunch was more important than evading me?" Straight to the point as always.

    "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about classes at the college," I smiled. Remember Jade, work your way up. Short and easy first. You're an adult and your own person. You can be who you want to be. ​

    Studying my facial expression she slowly began to smile. The smile she gets when she feels secure in her control. "Oh, honey, I've been so excited to hear about how you've been doing! So how are they? Are you enjoying them?," she didn't seem like she was stopping anytime soon. "You'll be a doctor in no time! I can't wait.." I couldn't help but bang the table, stopping her mid-sentence.

 "Mom, just be quiet about who you want me to be for like two seconds! Please," I yelled. Taking deep breaths, I closed my eyes. 

   "Well, that's no way to talk to your mother. I raised you better than that! Especially out in such a public place! You should be ashamed of yourself Jade!" As she prattled on the same emotions from high school began to creep up on me.

 ​NO! I'm going to be stronger than this, than her control.

    "Iwanttobeawriter!" I interrupted loudly. She stopped, thank God, she stopped.

    "What? Come again?," she exasperated. " It's that college you are going to, I swear we always have the worst luck when it comes to your first years in new schools. Maybe we should look into.." She droned on as I looked at the now regretful boy from earlier and the loving mother.

    ​If I continue to let her rule my life I'll never be happy; this has to end.

 ​ "Mom, just stop," I whisper.

    "Honey, you need to speak up. I can't hear you. You know what I have some friends at other colleges.." I interrupted her again. "I said,'stop'" I sighed. "I'm so tired of you controlling everything I do in life. I'm not going to a different school. I'm going to stay here and start taking classes that'll help me in becoming a better writer. Because that's what I want to be! Not what you want, what I want!" I was barely done speaking before she lost her cool.

    "Jade Alinda Bower! You will do no such thing! A writer? What will you make of your life as a 'writer'?" she slowly raised her voice. "How will our community and friends view you! We'd be outcast, you'd be seen as some wishy-washy daydreamer!"

    Shaking my head I glanced out the window. I spotted an old woman who looked familiar. Like a distant relative. 

   I looked back to my mom. " I don't care what they think. I'm doing this because it's what I love. It's what makes me happy," the string that once tied us together began loosening. "So you can either support me in what I want to do or walk away now. Otherwise, you won't give up on hounding me and I can't live with that anymore." 

   My mother blankly stared at me before standing with her things. "Goodbye, Jade," she coldly responded. I hadn't expected her to choose leaving my life. The hurt that set in was something I'd never felt before. The weight of the finger on the remote lifted and with it came back the light. Giving the freedom I'd craved for years, overruling the pain.