Tears flooded my eyes as I look up at him. "How long?" I managed to spit out, unable to look him in his eyes, the ones that captured my heart oh so many years ago. The ones that captivated my mind. The ones that lied to me without hesitation.
"Eliza I-"
"Alexander, that doesn't answer my question." I shook my head and sigh, hardly able to sit on the edge on what is now my bed. What used to be ours. "How long were you seeing her?"
"Eliza-"
"Alexander! If you can't answer my question then get out! Just get out, Alexander!" I screamed, my lungs burning. Tears poured out of my eyes, just like he poured his affair on to that paper.
"Please, Eliza." I could hear the hurt in his voice. He should've thought about that before he escorted her. He should've thought about his wife. He should've thought about his kids. For someone who's so concerned about his legacy, you'd think he would've thought of that. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stand him. I thought he was mine.
"Alexander..." I sighed as the tears continue drifting their way to the floor. I could hardly see anything. Everything was blurry, except for my heart, which was lying on the floor. It was shattered. It was his. It belonged to him, and he destroyed it. He took what we had and tortured it. He tortured our children. He tortured me. "Please... just...." I sniffled back a sob "Just leave." I let out a small sob. "Take your things, and don't come back."
"Eliza..." He reached for my hand, the same way he did on our wedding day, cautiously.
"Don't touch me. Leave, Alexander, now." I spat out. How could he do this? I am his wife. We have children, for God's sake! How could he do this to us? What was he thinking? How ignorant is he?!
He stood back up and looked down at me. There was clear anger in his eyes, and I'm sure he regretted his actions, but regret didn't change what he did. Not only did he have an affair, but also he published it. He told the world about the affair. A pamphlet! Who would do that? Who, other than Alexander Hamilton?
He grabbed his things from the bedroom. Clothes, shoes, pants, and of course, his paper, quill and ink. As if he didn't already learn his lesson. Then, as I asked, he left. I walked to the window and watched him walk out of the door and down the street. Then came the loud sobs.
I threw myself on the bed and sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed. I felt everything in that moment. The anger, the hatred, the love, the regret, the mourning. I felt all of it then and there, sobbing on that bed. I was alone. Oh god, I was so alone and I couldn't stand it. I missed him. As much as I hated it, I missed my husband. I hated him and I missed him. I was beautifully heartbroken.
There was a pain in my chest, one that I had never felt before. It was past betrayal and heartbroken. I had no idea what it was. I thought our love was real, and my chest just felt so hollow. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop sobbing. You were my one. God, I was so helpless. I didn't know what to do. I just laid there helplessly, pressing my body into the mattress. I hate that I love him, I love that I hate him.
