Scared

I'm scared.

It began with a loss, or perhaps something way even before then.

I... I don't think I've been stricken down this much, because of something that doesn't even have any shape at all.
But... is it less real just because its intangible?
Is it petty just because other person can't relate to me?
I don't know. Truthfully, I don't know anything.

Another hope diminished, another thing broken.
Another chat I neglected, another message I've sent to people that are busy.
Please, talk to me. Make me remember the happy self that died along with it.
But not you.

Ah.

I really don't wanna do anything.
And so I searched for other things to occupy my thoughts.
Despite the pressing matter tomorrow will bring.
I know, but still I had to search for something else.
Will I regret it? Of course.
Will I stop it just because I know I will regret it? Of course not.

Still, I keep refreshing the feed, with false hope of feeding this emptiness.
Yet maybe it served as another reason as to why I feel this way.
Everyone's just moving on with what they like, sharing the things they ate, the shared moments with their beloved, the things they are passionate about, their feelings, yet I'm-- I'm...
It's endless. The things that I want are the things that made me empty.
Yet without it, what am I...?

There's this song.
This song that I can relate to, it drowns me so.
Ah, what a deep, beautiful well.
Sometimes I want to breathe underwater, that way I can just be still inside, for as long as I want.

I don't want to face the others.
They judge the way I walk;
They judge the things that I ate;
They judge the way I talk;
They judge the way I threaded fate.

You are so selfish.
Honestly, how can you expect the others to drown in grief for as long as you do?
Honestly, how can you expect the others to remember you when you're lost in their eyes?Honestly, how can you just discard the feelings and concerns of others, when you yourself readily slaps away those that try to?
Honestly, why do you only think about equivalence?
Do you honestly think that you're the one who gave more than receive?
Come on. You're not that great of a human being.

I'm- I'm just scared that this emptiness will not go away, even if tomorrow comes.
Because nothing's ever "alright", we're all just in an endless loop of pretentiousness that we are.