not mine..

Part 3

she woke up Next morning feeling alittle bit light as if a huge weight was removed off of her shoulders,..She was genuinely happy and she didn't know the reason until she remembered what happened the night before,..It was him the "handsome man" who just came to her life suddenly with no specific reason .. He felt like a dream so far from reality,..Yet unlike her name she had no faith in this cause she always end up being left by everyone she gets attached to.
It was like the world was always telling her
"Oh look faith is about to be happy better not let her be" ..
There was always that thought in her mind even though she tried to push it away it just came to her mind whenever she was beginning to feel relaxed&happy,..She always thought she didn't deserve it and that happiness was not meant for her..she always regret putting this idea in her mind in the first place yet she did..she couldn't help it cause when she finally believed that she deserve happiness her mind become so fucked up just to make her believe the exact opposite..her mind was her worst enemy.

"Hey faith,..You awake?" said the voice.
"Yeah,Yeah meredeth I am"
"Well it's time for your medicine,love"
"OK i'll take it right now"
she always took the medecine even thought she knows it didn't do anything..She kept thinking about that phase in her life,in the rehab life was different,..it was all too serious and she remembered what brought her there from the first place,..Those scars from the past didn't seem to heal anytime soon.
She could clearly remember having no one there beside her,..She remembered feeling lonely cause she didn't wanna talk to anyone about her illness cause she was afraid of what they might think of her..they might call her crazy or weirdo.
Anyways she always felt like interuder or like she was different from people,..like she didn't fit there as she didn't want to go with the tide she wanted to fight the other road,..She was different in a good way yet people always made fun of her for it,Even before her illness  or maybe they were the reason behind her illness.

All this overthinking of wether she was destined to be happy or not made her feel self pity,..As she always said
"STAY STRONG
STAY STRONG
STAY STRONG
YOU CAN MAKE IT
YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON
DON'T WORRY IT'LL BE OK"
She always told herself,..she was used to telling herself the words that she really wanted to hear from someone yet she felt no one was there.
With time she began feeling the opposite thing from her own words,..She felt weak,numb,broken,useless and unworthy of the love people around her gave her,..She always thought that this love was a form of sympathy they were showing.

Just before she could drown more further in her thoughts she heared her phone ringing .. And it was emily.
"Hello" said faith in a week voice.
"Hello love,..where are you?"
"I'm home,..Is there something wrong?"
"Yeah,..your voice is what is wrong,..What happened are you OK?"
*actually faith hated how much her bestfriend knows her*
"No,..There's nothing i'm fine really!"
"Yeah yeah F keep lying to yourself but you can't lie to me,..I know you better than you know yourself!"
"Well,..It's nothing don't worry" said faith in uncomfortable voice.
She could hear the sigh of her bestfriend in the phone,..She knew she was pushing her away,..She was sorry for it she didn't even wanted to hurt her one day..EVER,..But at the same time she prayed that emily won't ask her anymore questions.
*And she didn't*
"OK,..are you free tonight or do you've work like always?"
"No,..I'm busy" Said faith *When she was obviously lying*
"Well that what you kept saying for the past 2 weeks and I won't take anymore excuses from you and I won't let you stay at home one more day,..Move your little ass and go wear something WE'RE GOING OUT!!!"
"But"
"No buts" said emily angrily but in a joking tune in her voice.
She loved faith even thought faith didn't show her enough appreciation emily knew faith loved her too.
"OK" sighted faith as emily closed the phone.
Faith then went to the dressing room to find something to wear..

*30 MINS LATER"
Faith is still standing there not knowing what to wear yet,..She somehow tried everthing yet it all seemed to big to fit her body..
*And again she got lost in her thoughts*

"You're such a loser,..OMG who is gonna look at you when you're that fat"
"What is she eating..?!"
"Well I don't think she is a vegetarian she eats absolutely everything hahahhahahaa"
"she looks like a pig"

The laughs kept getting louder and louder in her mind,..She cried so much and screamed at the top of her lungs and
"suddenly  everthing went black" ...