disguise - zarry au

chap 4

harry's pov

they've been sitting in silence for minutes.

it's true that harry said that they got a lot of things to talk about.

but now that zayn was here, everything just felt awkward.

he couldn't focus, he couldn't think, he didn't know what to say even though he was sure as hell wanted to spent every single second talking about things they both missed.

while he's still here.

before he leave again.

"soo, how you've been?"

harry decided to talked first.

"good, good yeah. how's you?" zayn answered awkwardly.

"good" harry nodded.

and there was another silent. in awkwardness.

"zayn-"

"harry-"

they both talked at the same time.

"you go first." zayn said.

"no, you go first." harry insisted.

so zayn did.

"look.. i don't know how to start this.. but i just wanna say.. that i'm sorry. i'm so sorry, harry." he was unsure at first, but started to vomited words the second time he opened his mouth.

"i didn't even know the real reason why i left the band to be honest.. i didn't know why i leave you.. i wasn't even sure why i tore everything apart, i didn't know why i'm being such a dumbass, leaving you like that, broke our things apart, i don't know, i'm so stupid i- "

"hey don't blame yourself like that." harry cut him off.

"no, harry, i am for the blame." he looked at harry deadly in the eyes. and harry could see the tears were already building up in the corner of zayn's eyes. so his eyes decided to do the same thing.

he started remembering things now. their old things.

how he would come to zayn's room late at night when he couldn't sleep,

and how zayn would gladly let him in.

how he would massage zayn's back after a long, long night of tour,

and how zayn would thank him sincerely.

how bad he wanted to kiss zayn in the rain, but since he knew he couldn't do that,

zayn would do that on the showers and pretended it was rain.

how bad he wanted to hold zayn's hand in public, but since he knew he couldn't do that,

zayn would do that around their apartment late at midnight and pretended there were people looking.

the way they snuggled on rainy days.

the way they cuddled on bed all day when they got a day off.

the way they fought the urge to kiss each other on the stage.

the way they found their way to say i love you to each other in a different way everyday.

and all the other little things.

"i left you harry, just like that, without a certain reason, i hurt you... and then i missed you and i wanted to see you, so i came here and here we are now.." zayn held his tears from rolling down.

but harry were already tearing up now. he couldn't hide his feeling anymore.

"and i know i should've left because now that we have this talk i know everything wouldn't be the same anymore.. at least for me.. i really don't know what to say except for i'm sorry.. for everything." he finished his sentence followed by tears that he'd been holding for the longest time.

harry didn't say anything. instead he opened his arms as big as he could and buried zayn in it. he hugged him so tight zayn probably couldn't breath.

but zayn hugged him back.

they both missed this.

they both wanted this.

and they both were finally be able to got this feeling again.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry." zayn apologized again in a shaky voice.

"it's okay, it's okay.. its okay.. now." harry kissed his shoulder.