Bad Boy

Am I tripping? Am I bugging?
Is it over? Tell me something
You don't call me no more, who you fucking?

Late 2015-Early 2016

She, Riri sure as hell was too good for him. It was all too good to be true. Or just too good to last. He should know. It tasted like a sweet drug too often. Felt like a dream also.

But naively he believed it was—

No, no.

Travis chuckled sadly.

Not love. Couldn't be a damn love, pleasse. But more than desire. More than lust. More than physical connection... It scared him. It was hard to explain and he was too young. He was so unforgivably stupid, he just followed his... His...

For fucks sake, certainly not his heart! But not his brain either...

He shut his eyes for a few minutes.

The TV stopped entertaining him so he was doing it again. Reopening old wounds. Slowly adding more salt. Until all was red, raw and pulsating.

What was wrong with him? He had to stop doing this to himself.

He chuckled again. He was soo screwed up.

Really, God. He had serious mental problems. He really thought it could be that simple. He was a boy and she was a girl. A very, very famous and eerily beautiful girl, but still... At that time he was alone and she was lonely. She swirled her drink and winked at him at clubs. And once she wished him happy birthday and had a special present for him.

Let's fuck until we break the bed

You and I?

Yes

Really?

Really

Her low voice lured him like a siren. Then she kissed him, mouths touched not gently and he felt... Things. It was definitely unhealthy. But it looked so amazing, for a while. So he thought that was enough.

He was totally wrong of course.

Because in reality nothing was as simple, as easy. Nothing was as great. It ended... Fast. It ended before it truly began. She started avoiding him and talking to him less. Then stopped answering his calls. Suddenly she was busy and she didn't need him. But he refused to notice that she left him, abandoned him, dumped him. Ignorance is bliss, right? Right. So he waited, he longed, he tried to find excuses. Too much work. Too much pressure. Too much emotions...

So many secrets. He heard rumors behind his back and whispers in his ears. Her little, interesting secrets.

No, no. I don't want you to come

I just want to make sure you're okay

You don't have to

But I'm your—

No. I'm not one for titles. They complicate things

Silence.

I know. I understand

You do?

Yeah

And lies, so many lies. When he finally realized and accepted that, it was too late. Much too late.

The fourth time he came to her, uninvited, that was the night when he caught them...

His bad luck. His fucking fate.

He winced at the cruel, colorful, pornographic memory.

Travis stood there, unable to move as Drake was positioned above the toxic beauty. Between her legs. His arms were hooked at the back of her knees. Spreading her open. They didn't stop. They let him stare. They let him hear. Let him suffer. Let him blee-

e

e

e

d

.

And it was painful. Horribly, horribly painful. It hurted. His chest hurted. His blood boiled. His eyes burned. He even cried a little later. Hot, wet tears. At the edge of his lashes, then on the sides of his cheeks. Like small rivers.

Oh. Okay... Wow, ok

That was all what he whispered before closing the door. He should say something more. Or yell, scream something. Something to hurt them too, to make them feel a bit guilty at least.

He blinked. He still felt dirty, worthless and used. Used. Yes, yes. Absolutely used, especially used. And all they needed to do was keep the damn door locked. Damn.

Now they were fucking somewhere, probably, totally oblivious to the effect of their selfish actions on him.

Nobody felt sorry for him. Nobody felt pity. Nobody cared. Somebody decided that he was the villain, the bad boy here. Bad boys always have the best lines but heroes get the girl. Drake was the hero, according to... Well, to everyone. He was her hero. He saved her, apparently.

Bullssshit. He threw his new, expensive phone across the room in frustration. He wasn't weak. She—They... They did not break his heart. So fucking what if she chose Drake?

She could. So, obviously, she did. Travis didn't force her to do anything. He gave her what she wanted only. He did what she wanted only. Everything what she wanted, even if it was wrong. Anything to please her. He wouldn't tell her no. Never.

But... How could she? How could she go back to him after all he did to her? Did she really cry and beg for his forgiveness although he was the cause of her misery. How dare she? He didn't love her. He didn't even know her, he didn't know shit about her.

But Travis did.

Travis saw Robyn, the real her. He saw how brightly she could glow when she was herself. With him she was alive. Cheery. Free. Wild. She was smiling. She was happy. Drake only dragged her down with his boring self. She couldn't change for him, she had to pretend to be a different person. Completely different woman.

Living a lie. Day and night.

He exhaled deeply.

Drake and Rihanna... Drakeand—rihanna...drakeandrihanna... He licked his lips, hating how it sounded like one word sometimes. Travis and Rihanna never sounded so natural, never that close together, never meant to be one.

But he tried...travisandrihanna... Nah, just wrong, ridiculous. Scandalous. Purely imperfect.

What did he really expect?

At least she generously let him be a part of her tour. Oh fuck, thank you. Watching her and Drake again and again... Wonderful. Thank you very fucking much.

But Drake and Rihanna weren't worth worrying about. They could go elope and move to Barbados or Toronto. And wear matching jackets and sweaters with owls. And have offspring with green eyes and dress them in these fucking sweaters with owls. It was almost predictable, cliche in many ways.

Shitty, romantic fairytale.

He didn't care. Why would he care? Why couldn't he just forget? She even forgot about his birthday. And about his existence as well. No, he wasn't angry. It was stupid. He was not jealous, no. It was unimportant, it was—

Honestly...

He sighed heavily.

Honestly, he was a fool. Fool enough to let her convince him that she really wanted him. Fool enough to convince himself too.

Unfortunately.