Breakdowns and Let-downs

October Fifth,Twenty-Seventeen

I started to cut myself again. I know it was a dumb thing to start again, but I couldn't help it. I want to kill myself so much, but I'm too pussy. I hate it. I hate it so much. I've tried to do things that would make me happy, but then I think of how no one likes me and that I'm not good enough. Nobody can convince me otherwise. I liked Adrian, but he had a girlfriend and I wasn't going to try make someone else think they weren't good enough to keep. I started talking to Damian, but he would never like someone like me. Same with Junior. I like him, but he has a girlfriend, too. He would also never like a piece of shit like me. No one would. Someone told me to kill myself this week, I told them I've tried and it didn't work, they said to try harder. No one thinks I'm serious about wanting to die. "You have everything, you are happy, you aren't suicidal. You aren't depressed." I hear shit like this every fucking day. It just makes everything worse.
  My mom doesn't help matters, either. She calls me a penny whore, a slut, and a prostitute when I wear something that I hoped would help my self esteem by making me look good. It just makes me hate myself even more than I already do.
I broke down crying tonight because this girl from school, Kylie, wrote me a big ass paragraph about how I mattered and how killing myself wasn't worth it.

I'm a worthless piece of shit that nobody loves.

(I put a song that I relate to in the media section.)