Amour de Loin

Just a talk

I was struck by the man's self-confidence. He seemed to believe everything was under his control. Even myself, and my own feelings, perhaps. The whole world could work as he wanted it to, his manners suggested to me.
I could not tell his age. He looked good though. Regardless of what I was told and knew it was all something I was made to do, that is to seduce him as life depended on this, I felt as if I was going to enjoy his company. He was a nobleman obviously, maybe a Prince, or maybe even a king. His clothes though made me think he was neither the king of England nor the king of France. I did not know, though, what either of the two of them looked like.
He moved very easily so he must not have been too old, though I thought he was older than me. He was quite pale but he did not seem sick, on the contrary, he was very strong.
He took me on the terrace and had a bit of small talk. I found it easy to be around him, I felt as if I was doing it all by my own free will. I also felt that it was not me seducing him, but the other way around. I was only allowing him to. I was just not rejecting him. Not that I could have done anything against that.
The questions of what was actually going on faded in importance at the time. For the first time something I had not known before changed me. I felt a different person altogether. I could not explain in words why.
Time seemed to change too. I felt it had both stopped and lasted longer, races away and came to a halt everything at once. I felt I had spent little time with this man and at the same time that I had spent with him my entire life.
I had had no choice being brought there but if I was given a choice I would still be there.