I do not believe that people ever truly change, they just discover a part of themselves they had not known existed before. Let's just say I have discovered a lot about myself in the past year. I'm not exactly sure if I like what I've learned, but there is no way I can unlearn it (that I know of) so I guess I will just embrace it.
Have you ever squished a beetle under your shoe, heard the indistinct crunch as its exoskeleton splintered beneath the rubber sole, and the moist splat as its organs sprayed in a russet mist against the cold linoleum floor? Perhaps you even felt guilty, as you rubbed your shoe clean, but it was for the better good anyways. What did that beetle ever contribute to the world? You reason yourself into believing you did the right thing by ridding the world of such a vile, useless creature. You go on about your life without remorse, leaving nothing behind but a russet smear against the white linoleum floor.
As pathetic as that is, it's human nature at its core. As long as we have a reason behind the things we do, then it's okay to do them, right?
It's funny how we do not really know ourselves until life pushes us. We all think we'll be the hero of our own story; the one to push through every situation, to pass all of life's tests, when in truth, we are all just background characters. Just extras in the movie titled Life. Until we aren't. Until we push through the line of fire. Sometimes, that is still not enough.
But, despite futile attempts, despite fiery ends met with little or no proper redemption other than the redemption we create for ourselves, we must learn to embrace that we do not matter. We must learn to embrace that not everybody can leave a mark on the entire world. But, I am going to. Yes, I will not die until I get my chance in the spotlight. I am determined. There is no length I am not willing to go to to full fill my wish.
Every measly being that has walked this earth, or any earth for that matter, has a story to tell. Though most are dull, I will make sure mine is most satisfactory. Yes, that is part of my goals. I promise myself that my story will be worthwhile. And, though my morals are rather...different...I tend to stand by my promises. Most of the time, anyways. '
I am here today, because I plan on telling my story. There's always the question of where to start. Yes, a difficult question indeed...hmmm. Well, I suppose we could always begin by looking into the past. Kind of. Like, five years ago. Yeah, that should work.
Have fun reading, or whatever.
