i'm so fucking angry at you for hurting me,
for turning our love into alcohol and drinking every single shot i gave you.
i'm so fucking angry because every night i cried, felt endless and lonely,
whilst you fell asleep next to her, oblivious to the fact that my broken soul ached for you and i lied awake waiting for you,
cutting my fingers on all the broken pieces of my heart,
trying to force my jagged edges back together and realizing that you had every single part of me.
i'm so fucking angry because i questioned why i wasn't good enough
and you let me believe that it was my fault that you wasn't happy
when really, your twisted heart was bound by desire and could never see the flowers that grew inside my lungs every time you kissed me.
i'm so fucking angry because you stole my blood-stained roses and left me with thorns,
i'm so fucking angry because whilst you were in heaven, i was at war
with an angel with invisible horns; with my own gullible heart believing you could love me with all my scars,
but here you left me among the ash and the tar,
buried beneath the belief that you would come and save me; the only one with the keys;
the only one who could set me free.
And here i stand, trapped behind these steel bars,
watching you be happy with her, watching you be happy without me.
i'm so fucking angry because i'm not angry at all;
because i still forgive you,
because even now, 3 months later, i still crave the touch of your hands on my face,
the sound of your voice, your hands in your pockets,
your messy hair, the way you held me when i couldn't hold myself together,
the look in your eyes when you smiled,
the way you looked at me and the way you made my heart jump out of my chest when your lips touched mine.
i'm so fucking angry
because if you ever change your mind,
i'll be here, waiting.
