Homecoming

Homecoming: The Happy Memories

So I had written him this long letter that I never got to give him, and I added onto more of it yesterday morning. I wanted to give it to him if he was there, I needed to see him one last time and I needed him to have something from me, even if it was a pathetic little letter. He was more to me than anyone ever was, and he knew that, what he didn't know is I was going to be at homecoming.
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I had gotten there with my friend, we had gotten in line to go inside but they wouldn't let me in, so Alex and I sat outside. Her and I were talking when I saw him get out of the car with his date, Ashley, and I had a panic attack. I watched him for a good half hour, talking with his date and her friends, then proceeding into line with one of his friends, Ashley staying behind with her friends. I approached him a couple times, got within a couple feet of him, then turned and walked away. Why couldn't I talk to him?
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Alex kept talking to me, telling me I'd be okay and I could do it, part of me didn't want to believe her, the other part wanted to hear his voice more than anything. Finally, I approached him and didn't turn away. I stood in his peripheral and in the most confident voice I could muster, I said "Jacob."
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He turned to me and didn't say a word, I held out the thick letter and he took it. I quickly turned and walked away with Alex, finally letting the anxiety take control again. Over the next 10 or 15 minutes, Alex and I ran around the line as she introduced me to her friends, keeping me in his line of sight, and him in mine. I noticed he looked sad and like he was holding back, I knew that look, it was the look he had on his face when we weren't flirting and he wanted to tell me something that he shouldn't. I approached him once more, this time a rail between us, as he was standing on the ramp and I on the ground leading to the stairs.
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I didn't even say his name this time, I just placed my hand on the rail and asked "Are you okay?"
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He turned to me with this look of relief on his face and replied with "Yeah, I'm good."
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We talked for about five minutes until we reached the end of the rail, he then said the most off topic thing.
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"I might never get to do this again," and he pulled me into the tightest hug and all my anxiety washed off my shoulders.
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We stood there in that hug for a few minutes although I wish it was longer, I held onto him like he was dying, I never wanted to let him go. When the time came for me to pull away, I wiped my eyes to keep from crying, I knew he could tell I was sad to let go. We then continued to talk, the exact conversation slips my mind, but there were mentions of not wanting to leave from both of us. I noticed he stared at my smile a lot.
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When he got inside and was next in line, I hugged him again, and I whispered into his ear. "I miss you."
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"I miss you too," he replied solemnly.
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I pulled away and squeezed his hands, barely muttering out "I love you," before turning and running out the door. When I got outside, Alex wrapped me in her arms as I cried.
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Alex and I talked and listened to music for a bit at a table in front of the windows, watching as people walked by and couples kissed. We put on music and I started singing one of the songs that described Jacob and I when I saw him walk by. I watched him until he was out of view, but I still kept my eyes on the room until I saw the door open and his sleeve on it, I had stopped singing at this point. I could tell he was talking to someone before he stepped out and he approached me at the table, when he sat, Alex got up and walked away.
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We sat and talked for a bit about some important things I needed to tell him, my eyes mainly focused on his hands, every last bit of my power got put into not reaching over and grabbing his hand. A teacher then came out and told us we had to be headed home, or at least sitting on the benches next to the parking lot to at least look like we were waiting on a ride. So we moved to the bench and talked more, this time sitting next to each other where it was harder to read his face. As we talked more, I watched his hands, he was fidgeting. Then what I had been waiting for to happen, happened.
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"I'm about to do something crazy," the words were clear.
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I saw him move his arm to the back of the bench and I moved closer to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as I angled myself toward him more, our hands reaching each other on our thighs. It had been three years since I held his hand or laid my head on his shoulder, and I was happy that it was happening now.
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"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he said as he traced shapes on my shoulder.
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"You have no idea how much I've been holding back to grab your hand since you sat next to me," I relpied with a small laugh.
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We sat like that for a while in silence, not being awkward anymore as I watched his thumb trace my hand. We talked more, the exact conversation escaping my thoughts again.
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"Should I say it, or do you want to?" He whispered, and I knew exactly what he meant.
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"I love you," I responded, quieter than he had asked.
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"I love you too," he whispered back to me, the smile on my face growing slowly.
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I slowly had ended up with my head in his lap, looking up at him, the happiest I could ever be.
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"I'm about to do something really stupid," and I knew exactly what he meant.
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I curled up and hid my face in his arm for a few moments, before leaning back down as his face came closer. His lips touched mine and they were so soft and so warm, and he smelled so good. The kiss didn't last for more than a few seconds, but it was a kiss I had been waiting for. We went back to talking, another kiss mixing into the chat we were having.
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It finally came time to leave, knowing he'd have to call his mom, he stood up and I snapped a picture of him from behind, to remember this night before it was over. After he got off the call I got up and hugged him, my head resting on his chest as he held me close.
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"I don't want you to go, I don't want this night to be over because I won't be able to see you again," I muttered to him, only loud enough for him to hear.
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"Only for a while," he replied sadly. I knew what he meant, in two or three years when I was of legal age of consent.
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"Or when you move out."
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He laughed that laugh I love. "I'm a loser who can't support myself."
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"You're not a loser, you're everything to me." He only smiled in response. I lifted my head to rest my chin on his chest, looking up at him.
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"One more time?" He whispered. I nodded and his lips touched mine again, only for a few seconds before I pulled away and I watched him walk to the curb to wait for his mom.
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His friend came to talk to me and I told him how Jacob and I met and our story. I stared at Jacob while I talked.
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"I need to hug him one last time," I said out loud to no one right before getting up and running towards him. He heard me coming and turned to envelope me in his arms and we hugged one last time before I walked back to Alex and his friend.
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I fell asleep easier that night than I ever have, but I woke up and thought about him over and over. I know I love him, and he loves me, he's the only one I want, but he's also the only one I can't have.