Those Days

Mornings

(A/N) My first story ever. Hope you enjoy. TRIGGER WARNING! Self harm, self hatred, eating disorder, depression. If you are uncomfortable with any of these topics please don't read any further. Thank you.

Have you ever had those days where you don't want to get out of bed?
You wake up at the crack of dawn but you can't bring yourself to lift the covers and stand.
Those days where you lack the energy to simply turn over. Getting up to eat seems impossible.

You lie in bed for hours watching the sun rise, the light filtering through the blinds. You find yourself covered in 4 blankets staring at the ceiling, studying the stripes made by the early morning sunlight. Maybe you grab your headphones and listen to music to pass the time. You think it might motivate you, but once you press play a soft song hums through your head and you find yourself hours later with the song on repeat. Maybe you stare out the window as the song plays and you feel like your very own music video that only you see.

You find ways to convince yourself that you can survive here, alone in that bed suffocated by blankets. You believe it until your stomach tells you otherwise, but the thought of food makes you nauseous and you stay in bed stomach louder than the chirping birds outside.

Food can wait but your bladder can't. You glance at the clock to see you've been awake for 6 hours and haven't moved. Every muscle fiber screams at you to stay still. Your mind is a blur, but your brain is urging you to move before you wet the bed.

As you lift the covers the cold stings and you inhale sharply. The movement of swinging your legs out of bed and standing makes you dizzy and sends a low groan past your lips. The small noise makes you clear your throat when realize how dry it is from lack of use. That walk to the bathroom seems like an eternity even though its only a few shuffles away. By the time you get to the bathroom and do your business you're already exhausted. You find yourself staring at that worthless person in the mirror, getting lost in your own eyes and hating your existence. Picking out every flaw, disgusted with yourself, you look away. Your eyes meet your bed, a cozy safe haven, it stares at you from miles away. The shower seems like a good alternative to the long trek back.

Stepping into the shower you don't bother to take off what little clothes you have on. The water cascades down your body, soaking your shirt, as you turn up the heat. The water temperature rising until it feels like it is scorching skin and your body turns red.

After a minute of standing there, letting hot streams streak down your face, eyes closed, the exhaustion takes over. You fall to your knees, slumped over in agony, water pounding at your back and rushing into your ears until all you can hear is the pitted-patter of rainfall and the roaring of the sea. Salt water mixes with fresh as you sit there alone in the silence.

When you finally stand up, you can't remember how long you have been there, maybe 5 minutes maybe an hour. You curse yourself for wasting water and quickly strip out of your now soaked clothes and wash your hair. Stepping out of the shower, you drag your clothes to the laundry and grab a towel. The now cold water creating small puddles in your wake. You shiver as you pat yourself down and ruffle your hair before wrapping the towel around your waist, seemingly forgetting your exhaustion for now or just ignoring it. You choose something comfortable and simple from your wardrobe and throw on a hoodie for extra warmth. Your bed calls for you to return to its depths but the clock says noon and you should really show your face to the world. As you walk out of your room you catch a glimpse of yourself in one of the mirrors you desperately try to avoid. "Disgusting" "Revolting" "Worthless pig" "Fat" Words carved into your body by your mind.

You shuffle past the mirror and move through the house, finding yourself in the kitchen. Your stomach unconsciously leading you with your nose to the dreaded room. You sit down at the kitchen table and let your head collapse into your arms, breathing low and slow.

Have you ever had a day like this?
I feel like I'm the only one.

"Good morning Jimin!"
My head shoots up from the table with a forced half smile.
"Morning Jin hyung."

He laughs and sets a bowl of food in front of me.
"Well it's more like noon now! Here eat some lunch.", he smiles and goes back to cleaning up the kitchen.
"The rest of the boys already left for a fun trip to the mall, Tae and Kook's idea. Oh except Yoongi of course! I think he's still at the studio, sleeping hopefully..."
Jin finds a seat at the other end of the table. I stay quiet, nodding my head at the information as I push the food around the bowl with my chopsticks, every so often consuming the smallest of bites.
"That's nice", I mumble, stuffing my face with food after seeing a concerned look from Jin. He looks away and I slightly gag. I'm going to have to work extra hours at the dance studio.
"So... Why are you up so late?" Jin asked me genuinely curious, "You're normally up with the sun like Hobi and Tae"
"Just wanted to relax a bit today. That's all. Don't worry about me hyung." I say forcing another large bite.

"Ok then! Well I'm off to the store! We need groceries and I wanted to buy a few more sweaters." He gets up excitedly.
"Have fun", I say as I watch him get ready. Grabbing his keys, sliding into his shoes, and putting on his glasses and a mask, he yells back, "I will! Remember to be ready for dinner tonight. We are having a live with ARMY!"
"Jimin-ah?", he asks after a pause.
"Yeah hyung, I know! Now go shop already!"
"Ok bye!" And with that I hear the door close and lock as Jin steps out of the house.

I stand taking my bowl of unfinished lunch to the trash and scraping the remains into it. I listen the clank of my chop sticks and the door to the dish washer closing as I put my dishes away. I pour myself a glass of water and take a few sips standing alone in the kitchen, contemplating how I will spend my day. The house completely silent, save for the heater running and the small breaths that escape my lips.

When I finally decide on something I return to my room to change into something more suitable for dancing. A white long sleeve shirt and black sweat pants. I pack my dance bag with water and a jacket and grab my phone and keys on my way out. I pull out a chair at the table to sit and lace up my shoes. Double checking that I have everything before I go.

I look back into the empty house once more before closing the door behind me and walking away.

Wooooooooooooooah ok that was scary! I have never written anything before so I am really nervous about publishing this.

Thoughts?

I have more chapters planned out already so it won't take an eternity to update.
The story itself is still in the works but I have a foundation. I don't know whether this is the beginning or the middle maybe I will add some flash back chapters!

I know not many people will read this but ANY and ALL thoughts are appreciated. If you like it, hate it, love it, have some criticism or ideas on where you want the story to go PLEASE SHARE!!
Even if its grammar or spelling mistakes.

Anywhore.....

I hope you enjoyed it so far!

~TheCalicoMochi 😉💕😽🦄🌸