Dear Lyon Vastia,

Chapter 1

~I think this is more cringe than angst but I made myself cry, anyway here you *sniffs*~

STORY:  (LE LETTER)

Lyon Vastia,

I'm sorry, so very sorry.

This is all my fault. I should pay, pay with my life. But if I have to live with the guilt wouldn't it serve for a better punishment? I agree, I killed Ur and I should die for it, but I also ruined your life, I will die one day anyway , so in the meantime the only way I can recompense is to live.

I'm sorry, I failed. It was too hard. It hurts so much. I just want it to end. Am I allowed to just let it end? No, that wouldn't be fair, I owe it to you. You deserve so much from me but I can't, I'm weak. Why won't it end? Why can't I become numb again? That's what happened when I lost my parents, it hurt like hell then suddendly I became numb. I want to be numb again. I want to be sucked into the void and never realesed again.

When they ask if I'm alright I say "Yeah, I'm fine." I'll put on a fake smile. If I talk about it, then it wouldn't be a punishment, would it?  At first they were suspicious but now I fake it so often they believe it's my real smile. But that only makes it hurt more? Why does it hurt more? Am I lonely? I may be a monster but monster's can still feel. I wish I couldn't. I want it to end.

Galuna Island, why did you have to be there? Every word you said felt like a knife to my chest. Guilt. It's overwhelming, please make it stop. Why won't you stop? You keep yelling at me that I should feel guilty, I do. I want to die. Natsu wouldn't let me cast iced shell. I knew that your followers could thorwe you out in minuetes, that it wouldn't stop you awakening Deliora. But I wanted it to end so badly my mind ignored ratonallity, it went from suicidal option to suicidal option, not one containg my survival. I was so close to death. Closer than I've ever been. I wanted it so despretely. I just wanted to let go.

The oracion sais, we fought together. And for once since Ur's death the voice stopped. That little one in the back of my mind, that no matter how happy I genuinely am, still reminds me I should die, that it was my fault, I killed Ur. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it sounds like your voice. But it stopped, when you had your and on my shoulder  all I wanted to do was hide in your arms, for you to hold me like you used to when I would cry myself to sleep, when you used to tell me it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have prevented their deaths. But this time it is my fault.

They can't know. No-one can know.

I still love you, Lyon.

I'm sorry, I have no right to say such things, but you're nevr going to see this so I guess it can't hurt, just once more.

I love you.

Yours sincerely,

Gray Fullbuster.