SOMETHING ELSE

PART1:

The sweat was running for my skin, there was a lump in my throat I knew that if I tried to say something I was going to cry, I didn't want that... not today, there was a lot of thoughts in my mind, suddenly I was distracted by a neck pain -that's because you have been in only one position since you were in bed stupid girl-the voice in my mind said – even the voice in my mind think that I'm stupid, great! A thought escaped from my mind, I said it out loud, at least there wasn't anybody in the house, well even if there were someone they wouldn't listen to me -I am like a ghost, I only bring problems for her or anybody- I got up from my bed  the lump stilled  in my throat, I couldn't endure those thoughts anymore i just wanted to start thinking in something else, the floor was very cold so I went for a pair of sucks when I was looking for them I found a jar full of pills, I was thinking in drink them and end with all of this, with all my stupidity life but I knew that I didn't brave enough so I let the thoughts go and I kept looking for the sucks when I found them I went downstairs for a cup of water and in that precise moment I heard people talking, I didn't recognize their voices so I approached them and I realized that my mom was talking with a man really  quietly, suddenly they kissed each other I could not believe I    didn't know how to act all what I did was run to my room in that moment they knew that they were not alone, there was me... watching, they guy just left the hose and my mom went upstairs and she stopped  in front of my room's door she sigh and stayed there for a few minutes without  saying anything... she just was looking the door, then she went to her room and close her room's door , I never had seen her with that attitude, maybe she wanted to tell me how much she was tired or how anxious she was to leave me or maybe she just wanted to let me know how much she loves me... after what happened with my brothers and dad nothing was the same, and it never will -I tough in the jar of pills, shaking my head I fell on bed and I began to run away of my thoughts until I fall asleep.