"..."//writing

My September

this is my friend's september, please do not judge or be an ass on this one, this story has a meaning and it deserves to be heard

[I am a quiet person. I, currently, avoid getting close to people because I am (not openly) transgender. I do not want to hurt them by gambling if they'll accept me when I start transitioning. I know I should "not give a f*ck and be myself", but I can't help but care for others. I've been hurt before, thus I do not want to hurt others.]

A few weeks ago, a guy at my school walked up to me and proceeded to talk to me. I was alone at the time, standing in the hallway. Usually, when people are alone, it is for a reason. He's an outgoing dude, so, of course, he didn't think about that fact. (I was appreciative of his intentions to befriend me.) I don't hold this against him, but, I wish he could've considered that I didn't want to talk to him; or anyone for that matter.

So, we start talking. I tried to come off as boring as possible so he would leave. He stayed.

Days go by, and he's starting to find me often and talk to me. By "find me" I literally mean he would exclusively speak to me before school, during lunch, and on the way to the buses. I tried to drop hints, but this guy was denser than the Earth's core.

Two weeks pass, and he's still as clingy as ever. Homecoming was coming up that weekend, and I had no plans on going. He begins bringing it up "casually" whenever he can. At this point, I knew what was up. He clearly had a crush on me. This wouldn't have been too much of a problem if I weren't trans (unbeknownst to him).

He and I have one class together: College Prep (math). One Wednesday, the week before homecoming, I overheard him (I sat right behind him) chatting with four other students about LGBT+ related things and their views on them. I decided to tune in to the conversation.

What I heard next stabbed me. Not literally of course, but, internally. He—and I quote—stated: "...Yeah, gay people are fine, I have no problem with them. But those transgenders are freaks that belong in mental hospitals—like—they're really messed up."

This guy LIKED ME, and I was right there, a foot behind him. While the group laughed it off, I tried to as well, but I was on the verge of panicking and breaking down right there. It took me all I had to hold myself together and seem completely fine.

This experience was something I was trying to avoid by avoiding people. Sometimes those quiet/reserved kids have serious reasons why they don't talk to others.

[In the end, I had to straight up say I needed some space. I couldn't tell him why, and I could tell he was hurt, but I needed to end things before he tried to get any closer. I may not have felt the same about him, but I didn't want to have to eventually break a person's heart. We talk very rarely now. I am still kind to him.]

Sometimes life will be like this.

Sometimes you'll have to do hard things.

But, please, don't let difficult things stop you from fighting on.