Gone

Chapter 4 The fall

I have been in school for a few months now and i cant belive what i jave gotten myself into.

You see i started dating a guy out of one pitty and two trying to get the picture of his sculpted body and perfect simile and......NO ELISABETH! He is dating someone you will never have a chance.

Anyways I am dating a guy named Jacob he is nice and all but I don't like him.

As I was sitting in my bed tossing and turning trying to get some sleep, thoughs of the past keep coming to my head and I can't silence them.

I finally sat upright and texted Jacob. " "Hey can you talk I can't sleep" I sent it, within a few min. I got a replie. "Yeh what's up?" " ummm.... I'm sorry but I have to be honest with you." I wasn't sure what he was going to say but I knew it was time to tell him.

"What's up are you okay?" He asks me. " I'm sorry but I can't date you anymore I just isn't working out and I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry" I knew there was no going back now. " He replied " oh that's ummm... Okay that's fine just give me some time." I said okay but something told me he didn't care what I responded with. 

I layed down again hopeing that would help me sleep. That thoughs had gone away but I still couldn't seem to fall asleep. So I just layed there until me eyes finally closed at 5 in the morning.

My alarm clock went of I slammed my hand on top of it and turned it off. It I felt like I had only gotten an our of sleep until I looked at the time and I realized I only had one hour of sleep.

It was six thirty " i have to go to school todayyyyyyy." I groaned I layed in bed for another 5 min. Looking at Instagram then I decided to get up.

I walked over to my closet and grabbed a tank top and some shorts. I took my backpack and ran out the door so my mom wouldn't talk to me.

As I was walking down the street I noticed some of Jacobs friends looking and me, specifically my neck. They saw that I noticed them and they quickly looked another direction.

When I got to school one of my friends Neil came running up to me. (He was also friends with Jacob). "Elisabeth I have some bed news for you. Jacob has been saying some things about you that I don't think you would like." As I sit my backpack down I thought what could he possibly say about me that I would care about? "What has he been saying?" I replied.

"Well...." Neil said as he pushed two fingers together like an anime character."Go on spit it out already" I said as my patience was coming to an end."First he said that if someone put a dildo in front of you, you wouldn't take it." I let out a slight chuckle that didn't hurt at all it was just a funny gay joke.

"And" I said eager to find out if it was just another gay joke. " He also said that he wishes someone would just go and slit your throat." I went blank thoughts began to stir inside my head . Why on earth would he say that? Is that why they were staring at me neck? Would they actually act on it? I almost felt to my knees I wanted to cry so badly but someone was near me so I couldn't.

I went thought the rest of the day acting like I didn't know what was going on. When it was time to leave I sprinted out of my classroom and down to my bus.

When I got home I went into my room and I stayed there I wouldn't even come out for dinner. Once it was late I snuck out to take a shower.

As I was in there I could feel the hot water pounding against my back but even that couldn't detract me from the thought wirling inside my head.

I stayed in there for a good 30 min. before I suck back into my room. it was 12:00 and the rest of the house was asleep. New and old thoughts were haunting me I couldn't get them to leave.

So finally I walked over to my backpack I opened it and grabbed my pencil pouch. I opened it up and inside I saw a pair or scissors i grabbed them and ran over to sit in front of my mirror.

As I stared into my reflection I saw nothing but a red mark around my neck were I thought I should just do it i should just slit my thought right here right now. But once I looked at my arm I though this is less tender than my throat and it will hurt less.

After staring at my arm for about 10 min. I took my scissors and slashed 3 times lightly. They all very lightly bed. Without thinking to clean off my cuts I crawled into bed hoping the night would end soon as I told myself I will never do what again.