cynosure | p.jm

suffice

he's not in the photo

how could this be?

i swear i snapped a photo of him posing for the camera. i swear i took a photo of jimin, not just the plain wall that's chortling at me in mockery me right now. i swear-

“eun ae,” seokjin's voice sprung me back to reality. “you're crying.” i touched my numbed cheeks, feeling the continuous flow of liquid against my fingertips.

why?
why am i crying?

“eun ae-”

“he exists.” i uttered out, choking on my tears.

“eun-”

“HE EXISTS.” i snapped, bringing my hands to my ears to block out all the voices which were yelling, hollering the cruel truth at my face, shoving them all at once.
but i don't want to listen.

i don't want to face it.

i don't want to face a reality without jimin in it.

he exists.

tell me he exists.

-

“why are you following me?”

“you're really pretty.” he answered earnestly, smiling so wide that his eyes magically disappeared from sight.

-

“eun ae,” seokjin soothed, attempting to coax me back to the harsh world's embrace; but i preferred my own reality.

my only reality is with jimin.

please.

don't force me to go back.

don't force me to remember.

-

eunnie:
give me ten valid reasons why i should be nice to you.

pjmin:
i only need one.

eunnie:
what is it?

pjmin:
i can't tell you.

-

“he existed.” seokjin whispered.

stop it.

“he used to exist.”

no stop.

“he doesn't anymore.”

i don't believe you.

“eun ae, just come to terms with it! that he's no longer with us. stop confining yourself in your games.”

-

“how did you know i wanted chocolate mint ice cream?”

his lips curved upwards as he bit back his adorable smile. “just a lucky guess.”

-

“the only one you are fooling is yourself.”

-

“ahh- eun ae, don't move.” he instructed and i kept still, watching him carefully insert something into my hair, as though i would break any moment if he made a mistake.

-

“the only one you are tricking is yourself.”

-

eunnie:
im not gonna tell you what i changed yours to too, then.

dork i adore❤:
ehh... :(

dork i adore❤:
noo tell mee

dork i adore❤:
tsk you left me on read...

-

“but you know that even so,
deep down the truth has always been speaking and unfolding with every lie you make.”

-

eunnie:
good enough for your lovesick heart?

dork i adore❤:
not nearly...

dork i adore❤:
but if it's you, anything is enough :)

-

“jimin-”

“STOP.” i sucked in heavy gasps of air, trying to think straight, but i can't think straight. where's jimin? jimin, i need you. don't leave me alone. you promised to stay forever.

you promised to stay forever.

forever.

but where are you?

our forever ended so quickly.

i miss you.

every second

every minute

every hour

every day

every week

every year

it's been years
when will you return?

when... when will you stop playing with me and just quit with your hide and seek?

“jimin left us, that's the truth. come to terms with it, eun ae. stop fabricating more memories with him.”

but

i want him alive, kicking, right next to me.

i want to feel his warmth radiating into my skin.

i want to wake up knowing he's beside me,
not wake up knowing that he's gone.

but he's gone.

he's gone.

he's gone.

and there's no way

he's coming back

-

“jimin! look here!” i peered through the view finder of my camera and pointed the lens in his direction. he held out bunny ears beside his head, revealing his small dimple as he beamed.

a smile i would treasure forever
and never forget.

was what i told myself.