༜•༶Stereotypical༶•༜
Leslie's Story
Whispers.
They follow me everywhere I go.
Coming from cracks in the sidewalks, or from under doors.
Then I look up, see mouths moving, people laughing, and I know that it's about me.
"Hey, skull girl, still here?"
"Cried yet today?"
"Yo emo girl, colors are the new black, or did you not hear?"
But those comments don't hurt. Not much, anyway. The one that pierces my skin deeper than all the others is "Loser!".
Who are they to judge me? Why should they evaluate my whole life based on looks? Do they know me?
No.
They don't know me. They don't know my sister-they don't even know I HAVE a sister. Had one, anyways.
They didn't know that she could light up a room just by walking into it. They didn't know that she had a burning passion for fashion design.
They don't know why that one car, a red Subaru Outback, collided with the silver Honda Odyssey that my sister always drove.
Then again, neither do I.
She always called the car "Elegant, but tough. It'd take something big to stop THIS beauty."
And she was right.
You know what else they don't know? They don't know that she always designed in blacks, greys, and browns. "Nature's palette," she called it. "Beautiful," I called it. Something about her channeled into her work and provided her with graceful, yet somber clothing that anyone could wear.
Including me.
I was in the car.
She asked me to get something from the backseat, and I couldn't reach. She was laughing so hard, she couldn't see where she was going. I unbuckled seconds before it happened, trying to reach the back of the car seat. Me? Flung out the windshield. Her? Dead.
Every day I honor her and her passion by wearing the clothes. No hand but hers and mine has ever touched them. Each day they taunt and tease me until I feel like I'm going to cry. Not over them, though. Over her. And over the fact that no one cared, is caring, or will care, besides me.
Why am I here? Why am I, right at this moment, perched on my tiptoes, peering over Burke Cliffs to the very bottom? Why am I calculating the distance of a fall from this point? Why am I thinking of my sister, and how good it would be to see her again?
Why?
༜•༶•༶•༜
"Very bad fall... May be permanent injuries... Coma... Unsure whether it was purposeful..."
Where am I? What has happened to me?
I try to move my arms, but they are held down by scores of thin plastic tubes. A bulky monitor emits a beeping sound to my right. Hushed murmurs flow from under the door to my ears.
Suddenly my two worst memories come flooding back to me.
༜•༶•༶•༜
"Ha, can you even reach it? I don't know if it's too much strain on your poor widdle arms."
The laughing voice echoes around my skull.
"Ellie, shut up! I can reach it... fine... Oof!"
An image is coming into focus as the laughter starts up again.
"You know what? I'm unbuckling, this is ridiculous, it's just a..."
I never remember what it was that she wanted, only that I couldn't reach.
"Got it! Victory!"
Then the two cars collide and crumple like tinfoil. As if in slow motion, my spinning body hurls itself through the window, sending splinters of glass flying, as I see her head shoved back by the force, then snapping forward into the windshield-and the oncoming car. Her black hair billows up like a curtain as a shower of blood flies up from the driver seat and the car explodes into flames.
The clear scream brings me back to reality, and the next flashback starts.
༜•༶•༶•༜
I am executing a flawless dive off of Burke Cliffs, tumbling in a slipstream as the howling wind buffets my already broken body. I hear a feminine cry-my mind stops for a second to wonder who it was-as I lie limp and battered on the rocks, with the waves washing away my blood.
༜•༶•༶•༜
"Hey," a girl says, opening the door and walking in. "Can we, uh, talk?"
I recognize her. It's May Brown, part of "the social scene" at Lynn High.
"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened," May whispers, as the bed dips to adjust to her weight.
"Why should you be?" My tone is flat and bitter. "You were one of the ones who made me do it."
"No, I know, and I really regret that. After all, you had a legit reason for wearing those clothes."
I freeze. "What?"
"My brother was my soulmate. He played with me when I was little, talked to me when I was depressed... I'll never meet anyone else like him. He drove a red Subaru Outback, and died in an accident."
"I know why you wear what you do, but I don't hate you for it. I think it's amazing that you still honor your sister. How did I honor Matt? By becoming a backstabbing girl who can't stand up for something she believes in. I think today he would be proud I confessed to you and saved you from death at the cliffs. I was following you there, you know, so we could talk, but you caught me by surprise and the only thing I could manage to do was call an ambulance."
"I just came here to tell you I'm sorry. And I really am. I just hope you'll forgive me."
May stands up and heads for the door, her shoulders slumped. At the last moment, I call out to her.
"Hey, May? Thanks."
She turns around, a smile on her face.
"I told them about you. They think it's really cool that you loved her that much. You won't have to do this ever again."
A tiny smile turns the corners of her mouth as she waves goodbye and leaves.
I stay still, don't acknowledge anyone else, for the rest of the day. May's brother was the person in the Subaru? She lost him also? My anger surfaces as I recall her standing quietly off to the side as the others teased me. But it quiets when I think of her apology and description of her brother. I knew what losing someone felt like-and she did too.
But I still don't know what to make of her last comment. She told them? Did they really understand and accept it? May was pretty deep into the popular side. She would have nothing to gain by lying to me, and had lost her brother also. Finally, I decide that it would be a relief to be normal again, and that, who knows, May and I might even become friends!
I turn my eyes toward the stark white ceiling and picture long black locks and gray eyes. "Ellie, I still miss you so much, but you'd want me to move on. I think I finally have space in my life for someone else-you'd like May. Tell Matt she misses him. And Ells, I promise that one day I'll be famous, and you can look down on me and be proud. I love you."
I close my eyes and sigh, imagining that I am unlocking a cage and letting the bird inside it fly away. Not forever-someday when I am older I will find the bird and keep it for a little while, but I will no longer starve myself over something I cannot have.
I am finally at peace with the world.
