I cannot cross this bridge without my nerves jumping into my heart and making my heart hurt. I always take the route around it, its only one mile but I will never ever step onto that bridge ever again. " hey girly, do you mind if I join you," Savannah yelled a few steps away. "are you trying to bring an avalanche down here," I say trying not to laugh. "Very funny Jasmine, are we going to run around again," she says quieter. " its been a year, Jasmine, you should try to accept the fact that you could not do anything to help her" she should shaky. "i'm sorry but you need to face reality shes dead and there nothing you can do about it."
I look away and wipe the tears running down my cheek, shaking my head. I walk towards the bridge, watching the water flowing down the deep, dark river. "I'm so scared, even just looking at it Savannah, it is my fault her parents won't ever see her again. Her boyfriend lost his soul mate, and her friends lost an amazing friend." I sat on the dirt beside the bridge and just cried, "Jasmine, why don't we have a little sleepover here, it could get rid of some of that shame you have," she says trying not to break eye contact with me to look at the river. I agreed because I can't move forward I just keep moving back 2 spaces, its kind of like a game board, I have moved back so much, its time I move forward.
I went home and grabbed a tent that fits two people, so me and Savannah can share a blanket to stay warm. I got a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss, I have a hair brush, my pajamas, slippers, and a pair of cloths for tomorrow. This will be good for me, I need this and the fact that Savannah is trying to help me and the also that she has stuck by my side the whole time no matter what anybody says. As I walked back to the bridge I see Savannah sitting on the bridge side just waiting for something. I just stood still in my foot prints, just staring in her direction, she is standing exactly where she stood that night a year ago. She spots me staring and ran to me, "took you long enough, I thought you chickened out on me for a second." "Sorry I couldn't find my tent, a matter of fact could you help me set up this tent please its hard to do alone," i force a smile. How could she be so oblivious to what she was doing, was she trying to feel what it was like to walk where a dead person has been. But I let that feeling past like it just slithered away from me, i had to let it because without Savannah I had no one.
It took us about 3 hours to set up our tent and make it stay standing up. I forgot how gorgeous it was out here, I loved it out here, I could tell Savannah hated it, she has always hated the outdoors because she dislikes nature. I could never hate it, who would wanna hate it other than her. "What time is it", she says trying to speak while yawing, it was her favorite question "its 12:23," i say shaking because i'm freezing. She gets up and almost biffs it trying to sprint to the tent. "I'm going to bed, don't wake me, or ill be the bear that didn't want to come out of hibernation" she says with a little growl. "Goodnight Mr. bear," we laugh hysterically as she slides into the tent, leaving me alone in the dark with the bridge.
I walk slowly to the bridge, like if I make a sound its game over. I cant help it, it makes me feel as if this bridge, the water and the girl is haunting me. I can't run away from it because it follows me everywhere, I can't hide, I can't wish it away. I can only face it, I have been in the shadows about it for so long. I place my hand on the bridge side and gasp, all of these feelings rush back i could help it. I can't control it my foot moved onto the bridge as if I was in a dream, slowly and quietly. I continue walking onto the bridge bottom and gracefully walk to the middle of the bridge as if it was last year and i was with her. I grab the railing like she did and I raised my legs onto it so i was completely standing, with fear rushing throw my like there was no tomorrow.
I can't move anything, like I have lost control. I can't turn back now "jasmine, where are you," as she unzips the tent entrance. As she gets out of the tent so starts shaking and i can hear her teeth chattering already. She looks up at me and says calmly "what are you doing?" "I know what you're going to do, i can't let you do it, please." she says so calmly but yet so fearful. "I need to do this Savannah, I can't move on, please let me do this," I say with the most courage I have. I lift my leg off of the bridge ledge and jump "JASMINE" I hear Savannah yell, I don't scream i don't hesitate. I let the water consume me.
Her name was Julie, last year we always came here to be alone and get away from all this non sense. We both had problems with our families, they didn't get us but we got each other. We told each other every little dirty secret, rumor we knew, it was like we were sisters. One night we were at a party, we drank a lot but we didn't care, so we decided to bring the party of two (me and her) to come to the bridge and watch the water flow. We danced, we laughed, we had a good time. Julie got onto the railing and was ranting on about how she wanted to fly like superman, into the water. I thought it was a good idea so I told her she should try it but come right back up and not to do a belly flop. She lost her balance when she was on the railing and slipped and smashed her head against the wood and fell into the river like she was a rag doll. I screamed for help but nobody heard me. I couldn't save her it was too late by the time I ran down to the shore, she was gone.
