Getting picked up early from school was always a good sign for me; it meant your parents loved you to take you out from school to do something fun, maybe go out to eat, watch a movie, or just simply take you home to rest and do your homework. This was my first time getting out of school early and I was completely confused when I was called from class. My parents worked all the time and had no time to take us anywhere during the week, unless if they didn't mind coming home late. This time, we were going to go home extremely late; Maybe not even go to school, I guess that was the best way to handle death in a family.
I stood in the den of my aunt's home with my two sisters, staring at my mom sobbing in my step-dad's chest. I knew what happened, I seen it coming; My sisters must have too because they weren't crying. We were suddenly pulled aside to the bathroom with my aunt; she shut the door behind us and faced my sisters and I for few seconds before speaking. She seemed calm and in well control of herself, but her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. "Granny passed away this morning." She spoke clearly. Normally, people would break down and start screaming for someone so close to you to die off; but I didn't feel anything, or at least didn't understand my emotions at the moment. I knew that standing in that bathroom, I had a blank expression. Not my sisters though, you could have seen their frowns clear as day. The situation was a lot different from movies and books. You know, everyone cries, one person gives a motivational speech and everyone gets happy again. We had a weeping mother and relatives drifted off to space, staring blankly at inanimate objects. After talking about the predictable speech of "staying strong", my aunt let us go. My sisters when to the living room, but was necessarily in the mood for moping, so I ventured out to the garage. After stepping out, I looked at my great-aunt, who had turn her head at me while on the phone. "Hey baby." she said before turning back around to continue her conversation. I stared at the coffee table next to her for a few seconds, staring at the multiple cigarette buds covering her tray completely with them, then walked to my uncle's car which he was sitting in the car with the front seat inclined completely back. I hopped in with him and listened to the generic speech of 'things being okay'. I'm glad it didn't remember what he said, it would have been pointless to me since I'm going to get more of those from others. I took the opportunity of pretending to pay attention and observe my surroundings. I blocked him out enough to understand him and give basic replies, but I absorbed the moment and the surroundings of the area. The sky was a terribly ugly artichoke green with thin beige cloud hovering over like fog. It was also humid, the kind that stuck to your face and made you feel like your nose was stuffy. I almost wanted to take my jacket off, but then would get attacked by mosquitoes; I just went back inside the house, leaving my moping uncle and aunt outside.
Looking from the kitchen, the den was completely empty and strangely quiet; It gave off bad vibes of someone being by their self. I ran off into the bathroom, locking the door behind me and walking towards the toilet I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, then completely stopped and stared. There I was, the middle child. The one who can draw, the smart one, the less attractive one. I've always seen myself as insanely horrid, mainly because people always told me so even though that they were immature little kids, but so was I. It was so easy for me to soak up everything that everyone said to me, but there was one person who made everything she said so genuinely; my grandmother. Then it hit me. I realized what happened. The one person who actually thought and told me I was pretty and a wonderful person, was gone. I never had it in mind that she was the only one, I didn't think about it too much. What am I supposed believe now? Who am I supposed to believe now? I definitely don't have anyone now, it's almost like I never did. Am I some kind of narcissistic jerk, thinking of myself in a time of grieving? What's next? I get upset about no one paying attention to me because they're too busy crying their eyes out? By the time I stopped thinking so hard, I saw I was breathing heavily with my fists balled up. I do miss her; the right emotions are just in delay right now. Later I will burst out in tears and everyone will wonder why. For now, I'm just upset.
I walked out of the bathroom and saw from the end of the hallway, my mom was standing alone, sobbing softly to herself. She looked so helpless, I pitied her. I never knew what to do when someone was crying, but felt myself gravitate to her slowly down the hallway. She looked up at me and gave a half-hearted smile. I did the same right before she wrapped her arms around me in a tight, comforting hug. As I joined my arms around her back, I thought about how close of a daughter she was to my grandmother. We were both close to her, so we both need to get through this together. I don't know how, but I can say this right now; "Missing her" aren't even the words that perfectly describe the situation. Not even close.
